My Lineage

Our memories of our past linger in our minds till the end. Especially, the significant and meaningful ones. But, they vanish in a trice once we exit the scene. They simply cease to enjoy their existence. Period.

To let them linger a little more, I thought I would jot down a few details that are still extant about my ancestors in this page. I will add them as I go. 

I know little to nothing about my paternal grandparents. But, I will try to unearth some from my older siblings in due course. So, the first one is about my maternal grandfather - Sri VAkATi Sanjeevi Setty of Nellore Town in the current Andhra Pradesh. He is considered a VidyA dAtha (Donor of Knowledge or Education) in the circles of Nellore that still enjoy his munificence in the form of Savodaya College and the beautiful compound it is situated in.

The source of this bio came from my brother Sri K.C. Muni Kumar on a nudge from Sri Purushottam, a well-wisher and the former Principal of Sarvodaya College. I tried to create a WiKi page for it but, it is struggling through a debate on its significance there. So, I am finding another outlet for it to exist without a debate for those who may be inspired by it in future.

Sri VAkATi Sanjeevi Setty

    Sri Vakati Sanjeevi Setty was born in April 1891 to Late Sri Vakati Narasimhulu Setty and Smt Ethirajamma. He did not have any formal education. He supported several freedom fighters of his times in the Nellore town and surrounding areas. After Indian independence, he gave free housing to Sri Potti Sriramulu when the movement to create free Andhra Pradesh was at its peak in the 1950s.

    He became a junior partner to a leading Gogineni family venture in the mica business. Hiowever, he did not limit his business skills to mica segment alone but also excelled in cloth business in the town and the entire Madras Presidency. Many business associations regarded him in high esteem based on the recognition his name enjoys in the region till today. He was supposed to have been honored and recognized by the business associations. 

    He later married Smt. Ranganayakamma of Daggumati family. The couple gave birth to two sons - Sri Rangaiah and Sri Badrinath, followed by two daughters - Smt. Lakshmi Kanthamma and Smt. Prabhavathy. Sri Rangaiah and his wife Ramanamma did not have children. Smt. Ramanamma passed away in the early 1970s. Sri Badrinath passed away due to health tragedy within one year of his marriage. He was supposed to be a brilliant graduate of commerce. Smt. Lakshmi Kanthamma is married to a practicing advocate and had four children. Smt. Prabhavathy married an engineer Sri K. Pandurangaiah Chetty. They had four children - Sri K. C. Munikumar, Smt. Mallika, Smt. Jayasri, Sri K.V.Krishnaprasad. All 4 children are post graduates. Sri Munikumar was an Electronics Engineer and was the founder of a successful Electronics company in the Defence sector. He currently lives with his wife Smt. Aruna Kumar in Secunderabad. Smt. Mallika married Sri Gopal Krishna (Indian Navy) and Smt. Jayasri married Sri K. V. R. Partha Saradhy (Electronics Engineer in ECIL - Electronics Corporation of India). Sri K.V. Krishna prasad, Ph.D. was educated in both India and the USA and worked at Intel, a well-known American chip manufacturer in USA and later served in India as its Chief Information Officer in Bangalore. He currently lives with his wife Smt. Padmaja in Bangalore. [1]

    Sri Vakati Sanjeevi Setty was supposed to have been mentally disturbed after the loss of Sri Badrinath. Soon after that, Sri Vakati Sanjeevi Setty retired from from the pressures of businesses that he used to run. He then acquired the lands to the extent of 350-400 acres in a village called Sivaramapuram near Eeduru close to Nellore to spend his time in agriculture and live peacefully closer to the nature. During this time, he founded a trust to run a Vysya hostel to help the poor students of the Vysya community. Later, he converted that trust in 1976 to support Sarvodaya college for fostering formal college education. He named Sri K.C. Munikumar as his successor as the permanent president of both education and college committees. As per the will of Sri Vakati Sanjeevi Setty, Sri K.C. Munikumar's son Sri K. Hetunandan,Ph.D. should be the successor for Sri. K.C.Munikumar.

    Sri Vakati Sanjeevi Setty spent his final years in the college premises and personally oversaw the college activities. Finally, his end came in August 1981 at Vijayawada in his youngest daughter Smt. K. Prabhavathy's home within a month of the loss of  his second wife, Smt. Pankajamma.

    Sri Vakati Sanjeevi Setty is currently survived by 9 grandchildren and several great-grand and great-great-grand children settled all over the world. 

    [1] Based on the narration by my mother based on her recall

వాకాటి సంజీవి సెట్టి (in Telugu)

    శ్రీ వాకాటి సంజీవి సెట్టి ఏప్రిల్ 1891లో స్వర్గీయ శ్రీ వాకాటి నరసింహులు సెట్టి మరియు శ్రీమతి ఎతిరాజమ్మ దంపతులకు జన్మించారు. ఆయనకు అధికారిక విద్య లేదు. ఆయన నెల్లూరు పట్టణం మరియు పరిసర ప్రాంతాలలో తన కాలంలోని అనేకమంది స్వాతంత్య్ర సమరయోధులకు మద్దతుగా నిలిచారు. భారతదేశానికి స్వాతంత్య్రం వచ్చిన తర్వాత, 1950వ దశకంలో స్వేచ్ఛా ఆంధ్రప్రదేశ్‌ని సృష్టించాలనే ఉద్యమం ఉధృతంగా ఉన్నప్పుడు శ్రీ పొట్టి శ్రీరాములుకు ఉచిత గృహాన్ని ఇచ్చారు. 

    మైకా వ్యాపారంలో ప్రముఖ గోగినేని కుటుంబ సంస్థకు జూనియర్ భాగస్వామి అయ్యారు. ఆయన తన వ్యాపార నైపుణ్యాలను మైకా విభాగానికి మాత్రమే పరిమితం చేయలేదు, కానీ నెల్లూరు పట్టణంలో మరియు మొత్తం మద్రాస్ ప్రెసిడెన్సీలో వస్త్ర వ్యాపారంలో కూడా రాణించారు. అనేక వ్యాపార సంఘాలు ఈ రోజు వరకు ఈ ప్రాంతంలో ఆయన పేరు పొందుతున్న గుర్తింపు ఆధారంగా ఆయనను ఎంతో గౌరవించాయి అని విదితమౌతున్నది. 

    ఆ తర్వాత దగ్గుమాటి కుటుంబానికి చెందిన రంగనాయకమ్మ గారిని వివాహం చేసుకున్నారు. ఈ దంపతులకు ఇద్దరు కుమారులు - శ్రీ రంగయ్య మరియు శ్రీ బద్రీనాథ్, తరువాత ఇద్దరు కుమార్తెలు - శ్రీమతి లక్ష్మీకాంతమ్మ మరియు శ్రీమతి ప్రభావతి. శ్రీ రంగయ్య, ఆయన భార్య రమణమ్మ దంపతులకు పిల్లలు లేరు. శ్రీమతి రమణమ్మ 1970వ దశకం ప్రారంభంలో మరణించారు. శ్రీ బద్రీనాథ్ పెళ్లయిన ఒక సంవత్సరం లోపే ఆరోగ్యం విషమించడంతో కన్నుమూశారు. అతను వాణిజ్యంలో తెలివైన గ్రాడ్యుయేట్ అయ్యారని వినికిడి. శ్రీమతి లక్ష్మీకాంతమ్మ ప్రాక్టీస్ చేస్తున్న న్యాయవాదిని వివాహం చేసుకున్నారు మరియు వారికి నలుగురు పిల్లలు ఉన్నారు. శ్రీమతి ప్రభావతి, ఇంజనీర్ శ్రీ కె. పాండురంగయ్య చెట్టిని వివాహం చేసుకున్నారు. వారికి నలుగురు పిల్లలు - శ్రీ కె. సి. మునికుమార్, శ్రీమతి మల్లిక, శ్రీమతి జయశ్రీ, శ్రీ కె.వి.కృష్ణప్రసాద్. నలుగురు పిల్లలూ పోస్ట్ గ్రాడ్యుయేట్లు. శ్రీ మునికుమార్ ఒక ఎలక్ట్రానిక్స్ ఇంజనీర్ మరియు డిఫెన్స్ రంగంలో విజయవంతమైన ఎలక్ట్రానిక్స్ కంపెనీని స్థాపించారు. వారు ప్రస్తుతం వారి సతీమణి శ్రీమతి అరుణ గారితో సికందరాబాద్ లో నివసిస్తున్నారు. శ్రీమతి మల్లిక శ్రీ గోపాలకృష్ణ (ఇండియన్ నేవీ) గారిని వివాహం చేసుకున్నారు. శ్రీమతి జయశ్రీ  శ్రీ కె. వి. ఆర్. పార్థ సారధి గారిని (ఈ సీ ఐ ఎల్ - ఎలక్ట్రానిక్స్ కార్పొరేషన్ ఆఫ్ ఇండియాలో ఎలక్ట్రానిక్స్ ఇంజనీర్) వివాహం చేసుకున్నారు. శ్రీ కె.వి. కృష్ణ ప్రసాద్, పిహెచ్. డి. భారతదేశం మరియు అమెరికా - రెండింటిలోనూ విద్యనభ్యసించారు మరియు అమెరికా లోని ఒక ప్రసిద్ధ అమెరికన్ చిప్ తయారీదారు అయిన ఇంటెల్‌లో పనిచేశారు. తర్వాత భారతదేశంలో దాని ప్రధాన సమాచార అధికారిగా బెంగళూరులో పనిచేశారు. వారు ప్రస్తుతం వారి సతీమణి శ్రీమతి పద్మజ గారితో బెంగళూరు లో నివసిస్తున్నారు. [1]

తన రెండవ కుమారుడు శ్రీ బద్రీనాథ్ మరణించిన తరువాత, శ్రీ వాకాటి సంజీవి సెట్టి గారు తాను నిర్వహించే వ్యాపారాల ఒత్తిళ్ల నుండి విరమించుకున్నారు. ఆ తర్వాత నెల్లూరుకు దగ్గిర ఈదూరు సమీపంలోని శివరామపురం అనే గ్రామంలో వ్యవసాయం చేస్తూ ప్రశాంతంగా ప్రకృతికి దగ్గరగా జీవించేందుకు 350-400 ఎకరాల వరకు భూములు సేకరించారు. ఈ సమయంలో, అయన వైశ్య సమాజంలోని పేద విద్యార్థులకు సహాయం చేయడానికి వైశ్య హాస్టల్‌ను నడపడానికి ఒక ట్రస్ట్‌ను స్థాపించారు. తరువాత, ఆయన అధికారిక కళాశాల విద్యను ప్రోత్సహించడానికి సర్వోదయ కళాశాలకు మద్దతుగా 1976లో ఆ ట్రస్ట్‌ని మార్చారు. ఆయన తన మనవడిని శ్రీ కె.సి. మునికుమార్ విద్యా మరియు కళాశాల కమిటీలకు శాశ్వత అధ్యక్షుడిగా ఆయన వారసుడిగా ఎంచుకున్నారు. శ్రీ వాకాటి సంజీవి సెట్టి గారి సంకల్పం మేరకు శ్రీ కె.సి. మునికుమార్ కుమారుడు శ్రీ కె. హేతునందన్, పిహెచ్. డి  గారు కె.సి.మునికుమార్ గారి వారసుడు కావాలి. 

శ్రీ వాకాటి సంజీవి సెట్టి గారు తన చివరి సంవత్సరాలను కళాశాల ప్రాంగణంలో లోనే గడిపి కళాశాల కార్యక్రమాలను స్వయంగా పర్యవేక్షించారు. చివరకు 1981 ఆగస్టులో విజయవాడలో ఆయన చిన్న కూతురు శ్రీమతి. కె. ప్రభావతి ఇంట్లో, రెండో భార్య శ్రీమతి పంకజమ్మను కోల్పోయిన నెలలోపే స్వర్గస్తులైయ్యారు. 

అయన కుటుంబీయులలో తొమ్మిది మంది మనవళ్ళు మరియు చాలా మంది ముది మనవళ్లు మరియు జేజి మనవాళ్లు ప్రపంచమంతా వ్యాపింఛి ఉన్నారు.

1. ↑ తక్షణ కుటుంబం యొక్క వృత్తాంతం. రచయిత తల్లి ద్వారా వివరించబడింది.

My Journey in Music

    I have crooned for as long as I can remember. As a child in the mid '70s, I couldn't resist humming a tune especially if it was a good, catchy one. When we used to go to see a cinema, I would insist that my father buy the song books that used to be sold along with samosas and other snacks.

    Most of my childhood memories begin in the town of TenAli when I was in my 5th grade. We used to be able to listen to the dialogues and music coming from the Venus Theatre if we went up to the rooftop in the evening and then that would repeat during the second show. Once a popular and a hit movie called 'Sri Krishna Vijayam' was being screened there for over 100 days which meant that we could hang on to those dialogues, verses (Padyalu) and songs during all that time. I still remember some verses and songs, like the one SatyabhAma would launch into when she gets angry with Sri Krishna, from that movie.

    A few years later, we moved to VeTapAlem which is about 6 km from the sea coast of the Bay of Bengal during my 9th and 10th grade years. My sister's friend, also a family friend, Gowri akka who had a wonderful voice would encourage me by teaching some songs and bhajans such as SivakAnta Sambho and Tani KhAyee KhAyee bol sunAvA.  She had a tuneful and bell-like voice. I still sing those songs quite faithfully.

    I had 'influenced' my parents to buy me a cassette recorder available usually in the 2-in-1 format (with integrated Radio) which was a rage then. They bought it in the Burma Bazar of the then Madras.  I used to do several experiments recording and editing various voices including mine in the few limited ways it could be done.

    When there is a song in you, none can stop it, can they? For one of our school annual day competitions, I had worked on a state patriotic song "Maa Telugu Thalliki" with the help of one of my teachers. The annual day function was conducted on one late evening, I recall. The school was a stone's throw from our house, but, strangely no one from the family attended my live singing for the competition. Another kid had sung a Telugu Christian song for the competition. We were both adjudged joint winners of the First Prize. I still remember that I was given a fountain pen and a book of Vemana's poems as the prize.

    My dalliance with film music continued through my junior college and Engineering degree at REC, Trichy. I used to enroll for elocution and music competitions and I would sing some of the classical music-based songs from Hindi and Telugu movies. 'Maanasa VeeNa Madhu Geetam' from America Ammayi was one of them.

    Through all these experiences, I remember being turned off by any Carnatic music I may have heard on the radio. It was never my aspiration as I wasn't exposed to 'good' classical music other than a few stock songs from my mother. I had heard some of it at home when my sisters were forced to learn but they didn't follow through. Most of the music on the Radio was uninspiring and hence never figured in my list of aspirations. 

Initiation

    Given that context, I was initially reluctant when my Sister-in-law (SIL) suggested that I learn Carnatic music from an aunty in the opposite house. My SIL wanted some company to learn with. I remember singing 'MarugElara' from the movie SankarAbharaNam smugly in an informal audition of sorts. Aunty was gracious enough to not point out any of my lapses.

    One fine evening, I started my classes with Aunty - Smt. Rajam Rao or Rajalakshmi Rao, wife of Brig. R. R. Rao who used to live in a palatial house opposite ours in the tranquil, leafy neighbourhood of Sainikpuri in Secunderabad. I went in cagily at first and started with SaraLi varasalu (Simple swara sequences). Something about the purity of those swaras struck me deeply. I was an instant convert. That was 1983 right after graduating from REC.

    During 1983-87, my career was at a low ebb and was devoid of purpose, meaning or excitement. I used to feel like a square peg in a round hole. All that vacuum was however quickly filled when music, bhajans and chanting of Vishnu Sahasranamam, Hanuman Chalisa and Nama Ramayanam etc came rushing in. We used to have a small devoted group of friends of Aunty and Uncle who used to meet to chant these together. It would often be followed by beautiful meditation led by Aunty. She had a magnetic personality and could spread her own love and devotion like a magic blanket over all of us. I certainly felt comforted and protected by that.

    Aunty, who was later to be christened as Om Aunty by my nephews and niece, was also a disciple of Swami Sivananda of The Divine Life Society, Rishikesh. She used to sing from the bhajan tradition of Sivananda Ashram mellifluously with a lot of devotion. I was smitten by that magic and hence, used to spend time with a number of elders during those formative years.

    There were also times when Aunty and Uncle used to travel to the USA for many weeks to visit their 3 sons and their families. During those weeks, I used to house-sit for them. I used to stay there, read there, meditate in their puja room, take their pet Leo (a Cocker spaniel) for walks, sleep and shower there. I used to come home only for meals. It was all uncontroversial as my sister-in-law was understanding and the rest of the family with demands on my time were busy or living elsewhere. That was the time during which I virtually devoured a number of books on music (Prof. P. Sambamoorthy etc.) and spirituality (by Swami Sivananda (a loving Guru and a prolific author) and Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa etc. 

    I used to discuss many of these topics with Aunty at length as I had many questions. The immersive experiences I had during those years were instrumental in shaping the rest of my life. That was pretty much a 4-year tapas (Penance) and Seva (Service) with a single-minded focus.

    I think aunty was also happy to have an eager and receptive young student in me who wanted so much of what she had in her. I do not believe that her own children received as much from her. It helped as well since I did not have much else going on in my life and I was young and unentangled! Our classes would often go on for hours while ending with dinner with them on many a night. They used to have a wide variety of fresh and left-over food which I used to help uncle with in preparing and clearing. We would continue to talk late into the night or chant something after dinner.

    I distinctly remember one late night when I was learning 'Nindati Chandana', a Jayadeva Ashtapadi in Darbari Kanada based on the reference of Bombay Sisters. The lofty tune with loftier poetry along with the harmonium aunty used to play might have hit a crescendo one night that we got some complaints from neighbours on the next morning! The voices obviously travelled a long distance on those straight roads of Sainikpuri in the still of the night!

    During those 4 years of my life, I was initiated into classical Carnatic music, learnt several Geetams (short songs by major composers which provide a succinct introduction to several ragas), Kritis and light classical songs from whichever new albums that I fancied. I also learnt many nuances of the English language and the art of communication from Aunty. Music filled my life from 0 to infinity during those magical years.

The Hiatus

    As my listless job at HAL was getting to me and obviously others too, I did what I did best - to study and write several competitive exams for MBA of all kinds, not sparing even Forestry and Rural Management. I think I wore the exams out more than they wearing me out! On a lark, I also applied to business colleges in the USA after writing GMAT and TOEFL. I used to enjoy the verbal part and score better in it than in Quantitative. Finally, I decided to go to the USA to study interdisciplinary programs in Engineering and Management instead of General Management to maximize my chances for financial aid. That meant that I needed to write GRE a couple more times. As a sort of final redemption, I got into the prized IIM, Bangalore, but not before I got mentally ready to go to NJIT, USA for MS in Engineering Management and had a visa in hand to boot. I did not budge from my resolve to go away a long distance from home just so that I can clear my head a bit and be myself. I would learn much later that the decision turned out to be the best one for me as the experience while doing something is more important than WHAT we actually do. WHAT is always incidental and just a detail! Journey over Destination!

    However, that decision meant not much scope for continuing with my music. That barren phase in my music journey continued for at least a decade. However, singing did not stop completely as I used to sing a few from my tiny repertoire at various Indian Associations (Telugu, Kannada sangha, Tamil etc.). There was some self-learning too of simpler songs that I felt were accessible.

    Aunty visited us in Arizona after my marriage in 1989 in her only visit to my house. She taught me several Kritis during that time. 'Kaligi unte kada' by TyAgarAja in Keeravani and 'Thomthadare' by Poochi Srinivasa Iyengar in Kaanada from those days are still green in my memory. The learning did not match my earlier phase as I was married, living away from home and was studying my Ph.D at ASU. But, I am thankful for those times with aunty. 

    After getting my first job at Intel during recession of the early '90s, I used to commute to North Phoenix, 45 minutes each way. I found a teacher Smt. Padma Sivaswamy along that route. But, somehow, that didn't last. 

    When we moved to Portland, OR in 1994, I joined a small private group called 'Saptaswara' as their sole male voice. We used to meet every Sunday for practice and learning and would also perform together on various occasions. Most of them were not trained musicians, but, they were very enthusiastic. During that time, I had a chance to learn group singing of Tyagaraja Pancharatna Kritis (modelled after Sri Maharajapuram Santanam) for the annual Tyagaraja Aradhana. I still sing those after making some alterations for the version modelled after Sangeeta KaLAnidhi Sri D.K. Jayaraman in the current group.

    In 1995, there was an opportunity to learn from Smt. Indira Menon, a disciple of Sri S. Ramanathan in Portland, OR. I learnt over 10 songs (Thiruppugazh, Tyagaraja, Narayana Teertha etc.) I practice those till today and they have remained etched in my memory. In fact, I am in Whatsapp touch with aunty who lives in Chennai.

    It was good fun for 4 years till 1999 when I finally took the plunge to restart my formal Carnatic music learning from the legendary VaiNika and Vocalist Smt. Sreevidhya Chandramouli. I don't know why I waited that long to restart my journey in music on a serious note though I had known and interacted with Sreevidhya from 1994.

    I still remember Sreevidhya commenting that she found natural melody lacking in my voice and wasn't sure why. She later realized that I was singing in the wrong shruthi. My natural shruthi changed from F# to B. I was fully aware of the great fortune of having a legendary teacher like Sreevidhya, a 10th generation Karaikkudi bANi VaiNika, living a mere 10 minutes away from my home through serene backroads. Over the next four years, I learnt a lot from her and am happy to note that I still sing almost all of what I learnt from her. It is also my bhAgyam that I was able to learn a couple of Kritis from her mother Late Smt. Rajeswari Padmanabhan (a Kalakshetra teacher and a 9th generation Karaikkudi bANi Vainika). I still sing those songs as well - 'Sri Hari Vallabhe' in Suddha Dhanyasi (Mysore VAsudEvAchar) and 'Kripa Joochutaku' in Chaya TarangiNi (TyAgarAja).

Homebound

    I made a snap decision in 2001 to move back home to India and engineered the big move finally in January 2002. Apart from moving countries, jobs, and domains, the company thankfully remained the same. The decision did seem like a huge deal for our friends in the US, but, for me, it was crystal clear and continues to be so till today.

    Despite all these changes around me, I was still very intent on continuing my music journey in this blessed land of divine music and culture. Sreevidhya requested a student, Sri Sankaranarayanan of her mother, Rajeswari maami to help me out. He was a sweet, soft-spoken man. He heard me sing 'Amba Sourambha' (Arabhi) and later took me along to meet Smt. Satyavathi, a disciple of Sangeeta Kalanidhi Sri R.K. Srikantan, in Rajajinagar.

    She had a class going on at that time and I could hear the pleasing strains of Tambura in the background. She however recommended that I go and see her Guru Sri R.K. SrikanTan Sir because of male shruthi.. Srikantan sir was living in Guttahalli in North Bangalore. He took me in as I don't think he was very selective. He is capable of teaching anyone with his clear, no-frills music known for Shruthi purity, clear enunciation and adherence to tradition. His voice was as transparent as pure water and needed no further adornments. I learnt a couple of varnams - Saveri and Pantuvarali, but, it used to be quite a drive from Whitefield even 20 years ago. He would sometimes lean on me for driving him to some of his concerts and speaking engagements. He was over 80 when I learnt from him. Eventually, in 2004, I had to discontinue classes with Sir because of the long distance. I really wish now that I had learnt some rare dAsara padas from him. That would have been a precious capsule of his legendary music that I could have preserved in my voice and heart. 

    I continued my music lessons with Smt. Savitha Kartikeyan, a disciple of Sangeeta Kalanidhi Sri D.K.Jayaraman. My colleague Muthu whose two daughters were learning from Savitha, connected me to her. When we went to meet her in Golden Enclave on old Airport Road close to Intel office, I clearly remember that she was humming Kharaharapriya. As they were about to move to Palm Meadows in Whitefield, I started my classes with her there. Again, as my luck would have it, I was just 10 minutes from her home. I would often ask for classes during my work lunch time and practice with a tape in the car while driving. I always wanted to have music as a constant thread in my life irrespective of how busy I was otherwise. It was slow but, was surely present.

Early Retirement

    When planets aligned to make my wish to retire early came true in 2012, I only wanted to have enough time for exercise, writing and music. I had been ready to retire for a long time! 

    But, I often entertained some doubts about what the purpose of my learning was - the so-what of it. It was clear that I was not preparing to get on the concert stage at my age and capability. My music learning was surprisingly infrequent despite all the time at my disposal then either due to difficulties in scheduling classes or my own lack of purpose and practice. However, music learning never stopped but continued to hobble along. 

Amma's Passing

    In 2018, my mother travelled to my home all alone despite all the mix-ups plaguing her due to neurological issues, on what was to be her last flight. Her situation quickly leapt from one difficult situation to another. Finally, the diagnosis of her terminal brain tumour came as a bolt from the blue. We took her back to Secunderabad  while her issue was held at bay with steroids. She left us after 2 months while closing out the passing of her generation, but not before triggering in me, some revelations about the role, music can have in one's life.

    In the first month, she was more conscious though still somewhat unaware of her location or affliction. It was fortunate that she was still able to enjoy music deeply. I would have a 24-hour play list of devotional and Carnatic music going continuously by her side. I would also sing many songs to her and she would often ask me for specific songs. I still recall how she broke into rapturous applause on listening to my 'TheerAda ViLaiyATTu PiLLai', a gem of Sri Subramania BhAratiyAr.

    However, she fell into a coma the moment she was off steroids and never opened her eyes again from that stupor. We would still play her favourites continuously as we felt certain that music resonated deep inside her being even though all other senses were failing. This continued till she finally passed 'peacefully' in the early hours of 16th, November 2018.

    What struck me the most then was the critical role that music played in her final days. Music preserved the connection she had with her core self in tact. It perhaps carried her to the other side by holding her hand without too many bumps during the final transition.

    A few months after that, I rededicated myself to music by resolving to focus only on compositional music in stead of wrestling with the development of various technical elements necessary for the concert stage. I loved the beauty of poetry, melody, devotion and the wonder of history that music evoked in me. It was fortunate that my teacher Savitha agreed with my decision as well.

    I also started practicing at 4 PM daily and my learning became steadier. Daily practice showed in the ease and joy of my music.

Pandemic - A Game Changer

    When the COVID-19 pandemic hit the world in March 2020, it gave a new twist for the better to my music. I was learning 'O Jagadamba' in Ananda Bhairavi, a Syama Sastri's classic then. I started to learn the remaining song line by line in many iterations through Whatsapp with my teacher, Savitha. The laser focus and rapt attention in the Whatsapp medium was a new experience for me when compared with physical classes that were few and far between. When I finally learnt the song successfully, it gave a new impetus for my subsequent learning during the pandemic and continues till today. 

    I started learning many diverse magnum opuses like 'RanganAyakam' in NAyaki, 'Cetah Sri' in DwijAvanti and popular songs like 'BrOchEvArevarurA' in KhamAs and several others like Tunbam NErgayil, Bruhi MukundEti etc. My list of songs to learn was long and the learning was relentless. It opened a new and a more flexible mode of learning which could beat the scheduling issues with physical classes. Consistent practice also helped my music a great deal. In contrast, my progress and learning were spotty at best when the physical classes were the norm before the pandemic.

    Savitha rarely compliments me since she probably sees many areas that need perfection in my music. It is actually as well since 'not yet perfect' means there is a purpose and path ahead for my music without the baggage of too much pride or complacency. There were several times she said that my music started blossoming. Relentless practice, learning and newfound dedication certainly made a huge difference. I remember many specific instances: BrOchEvArevarurA swara passage, Sri VEnkaTa GirISamAm' (SuruTi), Sri RanganAyakam (NAyaki), Pankaja lOchana (KalyANi) and Mandhir Kugandadu (Sindhu Bhairavi) evoked her spontaneous positive affirmation for my attempts.

    That was the time as well when I started recording each current and old song after several practices till I got one successful rendition as error-free as possible. In fact, one good recording is the mark of closure of my learning of any song. It also serves as my future reference.  It was during that time that my teacher gave me a Student-of-the-Month commendation and shared the video recording of my Sri RanganAyakam across all of Parampara, our music school ecosystem. I had also started sharing the recordings of my renditions to a few interested friends and family. It would gladden some of them and they sometimes let me know how they felt.

    Overall, my resolve to focus only on compositional music in order to immerse myself in their lyrical beauty, poetry, rhythm, mythological nuggets, philosophical truths, wisdom and Bhakti (devotion) started sowing its precious seeds deep into my being. Performance ceased to be my focus, if there was any of that lingering need for adulation. I hope these seeds will sprout and grow even when everything around me may be failing. I have seen it live in my mother's precious final days. In fact, I feel she left me an effective lesson even as she passed.

My Music Today

    I learn music today rain or shine, in town or out with a sense of urgency. There is an urgency because I am aware that my time is limited. I am not sure how many years I will still have with the ability to know, hear, learn and sing.

    I try to motivate myself with various projects and treat them as Yagnas. I am working on Pancha bhuta linga yagnam which started in the late '90s with my learning of 'Jambupate' (The element of Apam/Water) and ArunAchala (The element of Agni/Fire). I had learnt AnandAmrita (The element of AkaSa/Space) a decade ago and have just finished learning Chintaya (The element of Prithvi/Earth) and I am on the home stretch now and will need to learn Sri KALahastISa (The element of Vayu/Air) next.

    I also would like to get started on ThiruppAvai yagnam. I know only 2 of 30 with a long road ahead to tread. It is a deep desire and I hope to realize it one day.

    I also enhance my regular learning by reviving songs I had learnt from as far back as 40 years with my many teachers over the years. I am going through them composer by composer to give my reviews a theme. I listen to the teacher's reference a few times, practice it over several days, record it and self-correct it several times before making one good, final recording which I share with friends and family and post some of those on my YouTube channel as the closure. It of course does not mean I will remember them for ever. Music needs constant practice to stay in the foreground.

What Music Means to Me

    I like to learn music just for the sake of learning without missing a beat till my time is up. I feel it is the best preparation I can do for my final moments so that they are charged, intense and deeply meaningful. Though I do feel happy to receive validation from other mortals, I am trying wean myself from it or not place too much value on it. Though it is considered a performing art, I try to conduct my music learning and practice to not depend on it for it to be complete. I consider an occasional performance opportunity to be a fitting avenue for the art but not essential. As Sri M says, music is meditation. I derive huge inspiration from that since meditation does not otherwise come easily.

    When I reflect on the series of legendary lineages that I came into contact with, through my teachers - Rajalakshmi Rao aunty, Sreevidhya Chandramouli, Indira Menon, R.K. Srikantan and Savitha Kartikeyan - I am moved by the good fortune bestowed on me in this short life. It is a blessing that they also chose to share their precious music with me. I distinctly sense the blessings of Sri Saraswati as the kind of opportunities that came by my way are simply phenomenal and could only be attributed to the magic of divine providence. All my teachers are exceptional, sincere and humbly carry the torch of sublime music and all its traditions. It is one of the miracles of my life that I sat at their feet, but was acutely aware of its preciousness even as I lived those moments. 

    Music is a divine vibration of longing and striving of many noble souls that came before us. It expresses the essence of my deepest self. It is perhaps the deepest I can go within, at the moment. It is my daily offering. It is a gift that I do not want to fritter away. One day, when everything about me and around me has gone numb, I hope and pray that my being resonates to music in some corner of it. I hope that I will feel comforted and nourished by the protective envelope of divine vibrations that follow in its wake.

    It is a journey that I hope will continue at some level till the end and hopefully beyond.

__________________________

My current teacher Smt. Savitha Kartikeyan's YouTube Channel

PantuvarALi varnam by Sangeeta KaLAnidhi Sri R K SrikanTan

Smt. Sreevidhya Chandramouli's Recordings on YouTube

Smt. Indira Menon's NavAvaraNa Kriti album on Spotify

My YouTube Channel serving as an archive of some of my learning 

(Caveat: All errors in any of my renditions are entirely mine)

The Big Move

Like most big decisions in my life, this too was decided rather suddenly but without a hint of doubt in any of its layers. I haven't regretted it till today. But, frankly, there had been a build-up for a year or two when the idea of India as my true home swished around in my mind during my frequent visits to India for work from 2000-02.

During one of those visits, I took a few days off to attend a Bhagavatha Saptaham (Expounding the great works of Bhagavatham by Vyasa in Samskritam and by Pothana in Telugu) event that was being conducted as a yagna at my brother's home in Secunderabad.  It was an all day event over 7 days and the beautiful early mornings and the innocent bird calls as background are vivid in my memory as the riveting exposition continued. The idea of my true belonging in India crystallized during that event. I just felt at home and utterly pleasant with the idea of somehow charting my way back to India. 

It's a decision not entirely done with my head alone. My entire being was involved. Was I just emotional or sentimental? So, what's the problem with that? Isn't our emotional experience a big part of our wellbeing? I wasn't doing it to prove my patriotism. I was just doing it for myself. 

When I broached this with Padmaja, it was not taken very well and perhaps upset all her plans to work as the kids were going to school during the day. It's to her credit that she sacrificed all that she liked and desired for me. I actively jumped into job search as Intel India was seriously searching for various senior management positions. I wasn't even looking at temporary expat positions; I was just looking for a permanent move. My young kids aged 8 and 6 then took it very hard when I broke this news to them after having the job at Intel India as its IT Site Manager in hand. 

It does not at all mean that I did not appreciate the opportunity of having been in the USA, studying, working, raising family there for 15 years. They were years of freedom, learning, growth and even material success. It's just that I needed to be back home now. That was all.

Where in India?

The fact that we were moving to Bangalore where we were not from was a good neutral choice. It's far enough from our extended families while we were just an hour flight away. We have been away too long and wanted to raise our family and conduct our lives without too much of family weighing on our day-to-day moves.  However, since it is a move from one Intel to another Intel, many work related things remained relatable and easy to get adjusted to.

My nephew from Hyderabad used to say that Bangalore is the 51st state of USA. Though it feels like that in some ways, we all know that it cannot be and thankfully so!

But, where in Bangalore? Our initial preference was to be in a traditional part of Bangalore like Jayanagar. We liked its clean layout, quiet streets and its traditional vibe with temples, eateries etc. However, we found that real estate prices were steep in such well-established areas and alas, it was not financially viable. Providentially, during one of my numerous work visits to Bangalore 2 years before, I had put in a small deposit for a villa plot in an old fruit orchard, totally on a whim. 

Home is Whitefield

Whitefield in 2002 was a remote place in the eastern fringe of Bangalore. A wisp of a single lane road connected it to the city. For most things, we had to travel 7 to 8 km to Indiranagar. However, it was teeming with expats and people like us who are in India for a few years or forever. We had Australian, French, British, Srilankan neighbours and at one time, we had South American tenants in one of our homes. A complete United Nations experience while the raw Indian experience awaited us as soon as we cross the main gate!

During those days, I used to cart a whole lot of foods from abroad during many of my business trips as kids used to long for those during their withdrawal phase. Gradually, that reduced to almost zero as foreign things and even good Indian alternatives started becoming available locally. 

The choice of school was another big decision. We really wanted them to go to a good local school instead of being secluded in high powered International schools where kids from here spoke in American accent. It did not appeal to us as the purpose of our move was for all of us to grow here before we fan out. We chose Valley School by Jiddu Krishnamoorthi Foundation at first but gradually, both kids gravitated to a local International school attended by local elite families among others. Rahul Dravid and author Ramachandra Guha, Shabnam Virmani (Kabir Project) sent their kids here for instance. Nothing was wrong per se but, with a certain economic status in life, we tend to gravitate to such places and we had to let the kids grow up and figure out THEIR life moves by themselves.  The schools were far and commutes were long but we lumbered on. 

Working in India

Life was not without hiccups or mindset differences in both work and life environments. Initial 3 years at Intel India were challenging because the IT infrastructure scaling issues were huge both internally (getting a political consensus within the big IT in Folsom, CA) and externally (Vendor capabilities and reliability). But, I found the loyalty of employees, especially those without any experience abroad was extremely high. They worked very hard to creatively support my pitch to big IT. They treasured the confidence I placed in them and the respect I had for them and they really appreciated any opportunities that were offered to them. They had the hunger. I really learnt a lot during those years and despite some mean bosses (who doesn't have them?) and challenges within and without. I branched out into Infrastructure beyond Enterprise Software. I had the satisfaction of bringing up new permanent sites for Intel India.

Life in India

We encountered some really extraordinary people. Several came back to India on their own and a number of those have stayed back. All of us have likely spent more years in India than abroad though those decades abroad gave us the needed fillip here to move up further. More importantly, the exposure has permanently enriched our lives.

For instance, I have a Swedish farmer and a musical CEO for friends among others. The Swedish farmer born to Indian diplomat family,  lived and worked in so many countries, holding Swedish citizenship and working for Swedish government as a liaison with Indian industries. He is now retired and lives on a farm nearby and it is always humbling to have coffee with him listening to his stories on the farm and encounters with the local goons. 

Another friend who is musically brilliant and has natural flair for it and a consummate performer on the stage with light music or bhajans. He has been a serial CEO making the complete switch from Chip design to Drug discovery. He works with the highest echelons in the UN and WHO but, is so down-to-earth and runs a whole number of charitable organizations in children's education, healthcare. He and his wife built a community center with a beautiful kitchen garden  where concerts and performances take place regularly. 

These and so many others who had at one time lived abroad for many years count among our friends doing diverse activities that only India can offer. A number of them came back on their own since they were being tugged by India in some corner of their heart. Most of us are inspired by many things Indian in their true spirit beyond the forms.

As we age...

In terms of spirituality, religious traditions, and arts/crafts, there is no other place that feels like home. This is a land that has had 6000 to 7000 years of cultural continuity and is replete with civilizational heritage. Some people term it also a Punyabhoomi (Sacred land). It also became my Karmabhoomi (Land of Action).  No better place to retire doing things you love and being surrounded by people who are like you.

Belonging

Recently, I met a friend at a local Italian Restaurant started by an Italian living in India. We sat with them over appetizers and drinks before we moved to our table for the main meal. His children, like ours, have gone to US for college and are working now. As to himself, he said, " I belong here irrespective of my passport. I can have an authentic Italian meal with the best French Wine while sitting among my people. Why would I be anywhere else?" We all have thoughts sometime regarding where we should retire and be closer to children etc. But, the sense of belonging is a huge factor that will determine our wellbeing.  This feels like a place to explore things that matter to us most as we settle into the twilight of our lives.

"There is no right or wrong", I say to youngsters I meet at parties, and advise them to explore the world in their prime years before deciding to "settle down". I tell my kids the same thing. "Both of you got expensive education in the US. So, be there, meet others in the melting pot (While it is still melting..), learn, enrich yourselves. Work for 10 or 15 years. But, have an appreciation for your origins and what made their current lives possible. Never lose sight of that."

When you have love and respect for your origins and when you have had wide exposure and absorbed the best values other cultures had to offer, any decision you take will not be taken lightly and will be taken for the right reasons. So, it will all be fine in the end. It always is!

The Idea of God

The Idea of God

What is the difficulty in accepting the idea of God  if you accept the Theory of Evolution?

    When one is presented with a theory of evolution, one is actually being presented a hypothesis or deduction (to which no significant proven opposition exists) since it is supported with empirical observations of nature and logical inferences on top of that. Basically, it is like any laws of physics or chemistry that we have arrived at through keen observation by our five senses and logical inferences by our brains. People, especially those with structured training in science and allied fields or most thinking individuals tend to believe information reported by our senses. 

    But, they don't seem to perceive that the five senses we have been given are quite faulty in the sense that they report only relative data instead of data in absolute terms. For example, when you come out of a dark room suddenly into a brightly lit space, it will 'feel' brighter than normal initially, in fact, uncomfortably dazzling till it 'settles down' to a comfortable relative brightness in your perception.  Similarly, if you continue to eat sweets, they will tend to 'feel' not that sweet down the line though the sugar content hasn't changed drastically. It will 'feel' sweet enough only if you intersperse the eating bout with contrasting foods. That's why high-end restaurants serve you palate cleansers in the course of a meal.  We also know that inverted images formed on the retina are perceived upright by the brain. 

    So, we can say that a thinking individual must agree that the five senses are not the ultimate reporters of truth. Not just that - the laws of Newtonian physics that we take for granted on this planet fail to be true at the quantum (sub-atomic) level. So, these are no way absolute or immutable laws.

    Moreover, brain is not everything or the only intelligent apparatus in our bodies. It does not hold a prerogative on intelligence by any stretch of imagination! Every cell in our bodies has memory and intelligence of its own since they don't always take orders from the brain. In fact, it has been proved that our gut is our second brain as it does not take orders from our brain for the majority of its functions.  It collaborates with brain only in case of an emergency like in choreographing an exquisite vomiting action preceded by an unmistakable vomiting impulse. 

    In that sense, the theories like theory of evolution are limited realities in our best perception based on large amount of observational data. So, it can almost be likened to a best case estimate or even a faith in our data and perception. Besides, it is not like we are creating all these rules and laws out of thin air; surely, we are not their creators - we are just uncovering them. 

    These rules and many others are quietly operating beneath the surface of our observation since the early rumbles of human existence. If they are already in operation without any of our help, we must wonder what prevents a thinking individual with scientific temper to not ask the obvious question? The questions like - When did it all start? Why does this go on, completely unaided to boot? What is the source of creation? Or, in fact, who is the creator? As human beings, we would like to believe that a human-like person or a superhuman has started it all.

    Some religions propose (and millions agree!) that superhuman like individuals appeared on the planet and pronounced canons and commandments by following which the lives of the faithful are redeemed. Hinduism, on the other hand is adept at concretizing abstract principles (basically thoughts that one can argue for, like I have tried to do in this blog). Hindu civilization in the Indus valley geography (before it was given the status of a religion by the colonizers) came up with a flexible definition of God. A tree is a God, an animal is a God or God's mode of transport, a book of knowledge is a God and even food that nourishes us is a God. There is one for everything and everyone - fully formed and described colourfully beyond doubt.

    It is actually an ingenious idea that there is nothing in this universe that is not God. God is immanent! Isn't that the Truth or Truism that the scriptures of this land and civilization proclaim as Mahavakya-s? They even engage a curious seeker of Truth in a dialogue and go on to prove these Truisms through sheer logic beyond any shadow of doubt. 

    A person who chooses not to believe in God is still believing in God's non-existence. A believer of a different kind and completely acceptable as a phase of one's journey or evolution! Every doubt of a skeptical individual makes the arguments in favour of God a tad stronger in the long term.

    If one has enough humility to bow down to the creation as something that is way bigger than oneself, one's beliefs, feelings and logic, one is on a sure-footed journey to God - to one's God.

The Sacred Walk to Kailash and Manasarovar

I recently discovered the "Songs of the River" by Shanthanu Moitra who immortalized his deeply personal expedition along the Ganga from Gangotri in Uttarakhand to Ganga Sagar in West Bengal. It's an extremely sensitive and thoughtful documentary that includes many extraordinary people, artists and artisans and change makers along the way in its embrace. It's a slow yatra suffused with ideas, thoughts, realizations and emotions. Some really exquisite photography brings these ethereal locations to life.

As I sat mesmerized by the Gangotri glacier melting drop by drop giving birth, as it were to the mighty Ganga, a thought crossed my mind. "I somehow travelled to Kailash and Manasarovar 7 years ago, but, THIS may be the closest I will come to seeing Gangotri."  I was motivated to record my yatra to Kailash & Manasarovar to the best of my recall before the words to describe my own experience dry up.

The realization of my dream to go to Kailash and take a dip in Manasarovar was prophetic to say the least. It was on top of a bucket list that I used to maintain for over 2 decades before I knew anything  much about them. For some reason, they inspired me deeply and ignited a quiet desire to be by their side one day.

Initial rumblings

I tried to go once in 2010, but, I faced stiff resistance from the family as they feared I might not be back in time for a family wedding. The next time I planned to go in 2017, I planted the seed in everyone a full year before my planned travel in order to sensitize and exhaust them of all kinds of questions and reservations. That worked. So, I wrote a quiet WILL and set off with Isha Sacred Walks to Kailash in the August of 2017.  Looking back, 50 to 60 was indeed the best age to go there when I had the longing and capacity in equal measure.

Before we set out in August 2017, I trained by walking 5 km a day for 3 months, come rain or shine. I met another anna (Satish) who lived close by and was going there in another batch during a similar time window.  In fact, we both shopped for our outerwear together and we even ran a 10km marathon in support of Isha Vidhya organization. 

Off to Kathmandu

The D-day finally arrived and we reached Kathmandu by a direct flight from Bangalore. Whatever the 15 day itinerary there was, was in complete shambles as our Kathmandu sojourn got extended by 3 days due to some visa issues. We took advantage of the time off to visit Pasupatinath mandir, some monuments and one of the kumaris chosen as the living Goddesses and worshipped by the Buddhists and Hindus alike. We also attended the much-awaited satsang with Sadhguru on one of the evenings. We were just 100 people and got to sit with Sadhguru in proximity.

There was a daily Guru Pooja, evening Satsang, preparatory videos from past pilgrimages relevant for the stage we were in and many co-travelers to share our excitement of being on this open-ended pilgrimage with. I soon gave up my fixation with itinerary, schedules and learnt to surrender to the higher forces. I would channel my usual angst and anxiety into a wish and a prayer to smoothen the path ahead.

Pashupatinath Mandir

Landing in Nepalgunj

Eventually, we got some assurances of visas etc. as our group had passports from all around the world before we moved from Kathmandu and flew to Nepalgunj - a Nepali border town quite close to UP. We were still in the plains and the town was not dissimilar to any small Indian town and the hotel served really good Indian food. But, we had very little clue of what twists and turns lay ahead.

On our way to Nepalgunj

During the couple of days we were in Nepalgunj, we would troop into Nepalgunj airport daily and wait to hear if the weather cleared for a small plane to fly several sorties to a small hill station called Simikot, close to China/Tibet border with Nepal. As days rolled by, we got comfortable with one another and everybody was friendly and generous being bound by a common intense desire to reach Kailash despite all the odds. Being a passionate singer, I carried lyrics of a few bhajans and chants to sing on the trip. While we waited outside the airport in a non-descript area, I checked with our volunteer coordinator Christine and started to sing. Several co-travellers joined in chorus as these were familiar to many while all the rest listened with rapt attention.  It was a beautiful experience for me and one that would recur several times - on the road, in the vans, in trains, in lobbies and in satsangs over the next 2 weeks.

Simikot - Nepal's one of many hilltop habitations

Most of us made it to Simikot on the second day but a few were left behind in Nepalgunj as weather suddenly turned inclement for the next few days. Those of us who made it to Simikot worked on short treks in the mountains, visiting small village temples, view points and water falls to acclimatize ourselves to high altitudes and attendant rarefied atmosphere. We were instructed not to shower or do any strenuous yoga other than a 20 minute Shambhavi Kriya (Pranayam, Bandhas and meditation) if we have already been initiated and have been practicing it. 

Just after landing at Simikot Airstrip

So, with all the time at our disposal, we would gather on the front porch of our sparse but cozy mountain lodge and sing, read or meditate or speculate on what lay ahead. I had even learnt a song I heard at the Isha Yoga Centre for a while and been wanting to learn. We spent the rest of the time gazing at the distant mountains and kept hoping to make it to Kailash. Food wise, cauliflower growing in the front garden starred in most meals and hot tea in big steel mugs was very welcome in the chilly mountain air. During all this time at Simikot, a handful of our group stayed stranded in Nepangunj without a flight to bring them to the hilly Simikot.

A number of visa challenges, potential detours and other twists and turns were kept from us but, the core volunteer team and the head coordinator (akka from Lebanon) were regrouping and re-planning all the while. Due to border tensions between China and India, visa to cross a nearby bridge into Tibet/China was ruled out. We had to abandon the plan A that we were on, stop trying to bring those stranded in Nepalgunj to Simikot. We packed all of our stuff back into the standardized and numbered bags and filed into the small airstrip that feels like it is on the edge of a cliff which only small planes can navigate on a good sunny day.

Plan B- Back to Nepalgunj

We all gathered in small groups wherever possible outside the main entrance looking for sunny patches. I would always be in a singing mode and there were many who would gather around with one request or another and be ready to sing along. It's not so much a performance but shared joy and abandon.  Eventually, several sorties took off to Nepalgunj before it was 5 PM. Ladies, older people were prioritized to go first as decided by the coordinators. At 5 PM, there were still 5 or 6 of us who were waiting for the last flight, but, it was ruled out due to weather and light conditions. However, our bags were already gone with the earlier batches and we faced the prospect of staying back overnight without any of our clothes and essentials. I don't remember any of us getting stressed about it too much as we were ready for anything by that point. This predicament lasted for an hour or so before we were given a ray of hope that a helicopter was a possibility and was quickly arranged with the local guides that were helping our trip.  So, it ended up with the last 6 of us getting lucked out with a serene ring-side view of various hilltops, almost all of them sparsely inhabited, in the golden hour as we scudded away to Nepangunj. I can only say that our joyous helicopter ride was topped by the enthusiastic welcome from the group already in Nepalgunj who stayed back at the airport till we were all together again. 

The last ones to leave - in style!

               

Off to Kathmandu and transfer to Lhasa

We were officially ready for Plan B which entailed us to return all the way to Kathmandu and immediately transfer to Lhasa which wasn't on the itinerary before. But, a big disappointment awaited us when Christine, our head volunteer coordinator told us that she won't be able to continue with us due to visa issues but that Samarth, a senior participant from Dubai and a seasoned volunteer will take on her role. Many of us who were just getting to know Christine and the selfless and efficient nature that characterizes her and other volunteers, had to bid her a tearful goodbye. I still remember Christine akka signing to me to continue to sing.

By this time, many of us started enjoying the liberating feeling of being uncluttered by 'What ifs' and unhindered by schedules. We were free spirits visualizing just one constant thought of making it to Kailash and Manasarovar with our own self-devised prayer on our lips.

We also felt we knew one another, their skills, gifts and general temperament without the bother of knowing their careers and credentials. I would generally sit in the front with access to a microphone and sing or asked to sing with many joining along for popular bhajans and chants. A lot of the songs were in Hindi and were part of the just released album 'Chandra Jeevan' by Sounds of Isha. I would also attempt a few evocative Kabir and Tulsidas bhajans I had heard by Kumar Gandharv etc. Their meaning and tunes are out of this world and uplifting. The travel and the long rides never mattered much and we were all, so to say, ready for the ride!

Train ride to Shigatse

After an overnight stay in Lhasa, we headed to the train station early next morning and got on a train to Shigatse. It was not a very long ride or we did not realize it as many of us were singing away the tuneful Chandrashekhara Stotram and other popular requests.  The co-travelers were kind and didn't seem to mind or perhaps, their enigmatic and stoic faces did not reveal much!

Road trip to Sago all along a river

We got into two large vans from Shigatse station to Sago quite a distance away. Before we did that, I think we had an Indian lunch as always at a place contracted for the purpose and we used the time to figure out who was signing up for a porter on the final Kailash trek. I decided to take one to minimize difficulties on that critical high-altitude trek. A lot of bon homie and snacks were shared by all. We found a roadside eatery for dinner early on that evening and we enjoyed so many fresh, steamed greens and veggies with hot rice. We were eating fresh veggies after a long time and enjoyed the experience thoroughly. 

The famous Chinese 'Dhaba'

We were supposed to reach Sago by that night and rest there. I didn't realize till 3 AM next morning that we were still in the van as we were impeded by landslides at various places and a swollen river was flowing just by us all night.  We reached Sago only after day break after a night of fitful sleep. The landscape and the towns got drabber and drearier as we scaled the altitude and were approaching the Himalayan tundra. The hotels too became sparser with no elevators etc. I was roomed with 3 other senior citizens (a yoga teacher from Scotland, a retired Gujarati man from Canada and one other). The Indian toilet was a surprise but no one complained as long as our knees were still able to bend. More interesting toilet situations awaited us but by then, we were prepared. On one of the mornings, another anna and I volunteered to help with Guru Pooja and we went in search of some fresh flowers to offer. There were barely any trees and flowers were an even more remote possibility.

Headed to Manasarovar

We headed out to Manasarovar by bus from Sago. We reached late that night and there was, of course no power. Manasarovar was a few metres away but nothing could be seen. In that pitch darkness, 3 new room mates and I had to repack only those items we need for Kailash into one single bag that will be carried by yaks to our Kailash meeting point and leave the rest which will be reached to us when we reach Sago on our return.

Manasarovar Lodge

On the next morning, we gathered on the banks of Manasarovar and were guided through a preparatory meditation to orient us for the holy dip. As I stood taking in the vastness of Manasarovar, its serene waters and its ethereal backdrop, an overwhelming feeling of gratitude swept over me for having been offered this rare chance to be here in this lifetime. Manasarovar and Kailash are always spoken of, in extremely remote terms but, I was there on its very banks in that moment.  That feeling of completeness and thankfulness remained fresh in my memory and I seem to be able to relive the very feelings every time I recall that moment. 

Manasarovar

We were told to desist from any showers (not that we had any such possibilities) from Manasarovar to Kailash and till we get back to Sago in the plains. Toilets were out in the open in designated areas and I would get up earlier than most and finish these toilet activities early despite the threat of wild dogs in those early hours, leaving enough time for me to pack, repack as needed and present my clean self at the Guru Pooja by 5:30 AM. 

Kailash - The moment we were waiting for

After the holy dip and breakfast, we started off in a large bus to 'Yamadwar' where we begin the exalted trek to Kailash. Our bags had already been sent off on Yaks to our staying area in Kailash. After getting to know our porters (oh, bless these hardy mountain folks for their invaluable help), we finally set off on our trek that I have been visualizing for many years. We could all follow our own pace or we could go with whoever matched our pace and didn't mind company. The whole approach was non-selective so that we can be free of even those subtle bondages and be really our true selves as we approach the moment of our lives.  

On our personal parikrama

We had a couple of noodle and snack stops in the makeshift eateries that locals have set up along the way where our volunteer physicians checked on us for any warning signs. Though the weather was generally sunny with really chill breeze, we suddenly encountered hail storm in the middle of the trek. We had to ferret out our rainproof gear and wear it.  On the way, Kailash's west face emerged with its unique characteristics. We saw several Tibetans who follow the Bon religion doing the parikrama by prostration all through. What an expression of dedication and devotion that human beings are capable of! 

Kailash - The West face

By evening, temperature dropped very quickly and we reached our stay area when there was still light out.  There were small rivulets, probably from snow melt that we had to cross to make it to our home for the next 2 nights. 

The Kailash Lodge

I turned my head to the left and there it was - the North face of Kailash glistening in the setting Sun. It appears deceptively close and looks clearly like it was put there by some extra terrestrial force because the rest of the mountain range does not match with it one bit in terms of shape, colour and material as well, they say. To the right of Kailash in our perspective, there was a cascading stream of water rushing down the slope. We could settle down on any rock and gaze at it and take it in with every pore of our being because our little brains/minds seem too small to capture the majesty and import of Kailash. 

              

Returning on a rare High

After an entire day of slow trekking in that rarefied air and pausing often, we started back on an early morning at a pace of our choice in the company of strangers who have become very close in a mysterious way without having to know what they did but just having an insane thoughts of Kailash in common. When we returned to Lhasa, and we spent some time in the local Buddhist temples (Chugan Temple) and markets and had a closing Satsang in our well-appointed hotel. I sang one final song and I chose the song that I had learnt on this yatra. 

The Lhasa Market

We were all on a high and this continued even after reaching Kathmandu. A few of us stayed back for a couple of extra days there and a Nepalese participant took us around Swayambhunath temple and other places. I still feel goosebumps when I think of spontaneous meditation I felt deeply for many minutes in a small shrine on the terrace of the Hotel Tibet we were staying in. I have never felt like that ever again. Our receptivity was very high at the end of the trip perhaps due to being away from so many mundane distractions with single focus for so long. 

The Shrine in Hotel Tibet

At the end of it, we used all modes of transport except the waterways and felt so much at home with so many strangers and was blessed with a chance in this life to be at Kailash and Manasarovar when I still could. The 18 days passed so effortlessly and were packed with so much that we could not think of anything else. The WhatsApp group with co-participants is still in tact though it is not very chatty with humdrum stuff, thankfully.

I could do this because my wife held the fort and my daughter postponed her trip back to the US by 2 weeks. I recall my mother who was at home and was to exit the planet in 2018, welcoming me with folded hands as the people who go to Kailash get that extra sanctity in people's perspective. But, it's for for us to build on as we go forward.

I know for sure that I will not exhaust all the wonderful places of this world in my lifetime. But, I went to Kailash which is sacred to Hindus, Buddhists, Bon and Jains alike while Chinese just call Mount Kailash as Kangrinboqe Peak and Manasarovar as Mapang Yongcuo. It was indeed the trip of a lifetime!

With my porter (alas, his name escapes me)

Swayambhunath Temple, Kathmandu

The S1 Group

Our Actual Itinerary with a long Plan B on the right