My Journey in Music

    I have crooned for as long as I can remember. As a child in the mid '70s, I couldn't resist humming a tune especially if it was a good, catchy one. When we used to go to see a cinema, I would insist that my father buy the song books that used to be sold along with samosas and other snacks.

    Most of my childhood memories begin in the town of TenAli when I was in my 5th grade. We used to be able to listen to the dialogues and music coming from the Venus Theatre if we went up to the rooftop in the evening and then that would repeat during the second show. Once a popular and a hit movie called 'Sri Krishna Vijayam' was being screened there for over 100 days which meant that we could hang on to those dialogues, verses (Padyalu) and songs during all that time. I still remember some verses and songs, like the one SatyabhAma would launch into when she gets angry with Sri Krishna, from that movie.

    A few years later, we moved to VeTapAlem which is about 6 km from the sea coast of the Bay of Bengal during my 9th and 10th grade years. My sister's friend, also a family friend, Gowri akka who had a wonderful voice would encourage me by teaching some songs and bhajans such as SivakAnta Sambho and Tani KhAyee KhAyee bol sunAvA.  She had a tuneful and bell-like voice. I still sing those songs quite faithfully.

    I had 'influenced' my parents to buy me a cassette recorder available usually in the 2-in-1 format (with integrated Radio) which was a rage then. They bought it in the Burma Bazar of the then Madras.  I used to do several experiments recording and editing various voices including mine in the few limited ways it could be done.

    When there is a song in you, none can stop it, can they? For one of our school annual day competitions, I had worked on a state patriotic song "Maa Telugu Thalliki" with the help of one of my teachers. The annual day function was conducted on one late evening, I recall. The school was a stone's throw from our house, but, strangely no one from the family attended my live singing for the competition. Another kid had sung a Telugu Christian song for the competition. We were both adjudged joint winners of the First Prize. I still remember that I was given a fountain pen and a book of Vemana's poems as the prize.

    My dalliance with film music continued through my junior college and Engineering degree at REC, Trichy. I used to enroll for elocution and music competitions and I would sing some of the classical music-based songs from Hindi and Telugu movies. 'Maanasa VeeNa Madhu Geetam' from America Ammayi was one of them.

    Through all these experiences, I remember being turned off by any Carnatic music I may have heard on the radio. It was never my aspiration as I wasn't exposed to 'good' classical music other than a few stock songs from my mother. I had heard some of it at home when my sisters were forced to learn but they didn't follow through. Most of the music on the Radio was uninspiring and hence never figured in my list of aspirations. 

Initiation

    Given that context, I was initially reluctant when my Sister-in-law (SIL) suggested that I learn Carnatic music from an aunty in the opposite house. My SIL wanted some company to learn with. I remember singing 'MarugElara' from the movie SankarAbharaNam smugly in an informal audition of sorts. Aunty was gracious enough to not point out any of my lapses.

    One fine evening, I started my classes with Aunty - Smt. Rajam Rao or Rajalakshmi Rao, wife of Brig. R. R. Rao who used to live in a palatial house opposite ours in the tranquil, leafy neighbourhood of Sainikpuri in Secunderabad. I went in cagily at first and started with SaraLi varasalu (Simple swara sequences). Something about the purity of those swaras struck me deeply. I was an instant convert. That was 1983 right after graduating from REC.

    During 1983-87, my career was at a low ebb and was devoid of purpose, meaning or excitement. I used to feel like a square peg in a round hole. All that vacuum was however quickly filled when music, bhajans and chanting of Vishnu Sahasranamam, Hanuman Chalisa and Nama Ramayanam etc came rushing in. We used to have a small devoted group of friends of Aunty and Uncle who used to meet to chant these together. It would often be followed by beautiful meditation led by Aunty. She had a magnetic personality and could spread her own love and devotion like a magic blanket over all of us. I certainly felt comforted and protected by that.

    Aunty, who was later to be christened as Om Aunty by my nephews and niece, was also a disciple of Swami Sivananda of The Divine Life Society, Rishikesh. She used to sing from the bhajan tradition of Sivananda Ashram mellifluously with a lot of devotion. I was smitten by that magic and hence, used to spend time with a number of elders during those formative years.

    There were also times when Aunty and Uncle used to travel to the USA for many weeks to visit their 3 sons and their families. During those weeks, I used to house-sit for them. I used to stay there, read there, meditate in their puja room, take their pet Leo (a Cocker spaniel) for walks, sleep and shower there. I used to come home only for meals. It was all uncontroversial as my sister-in-law was understanding and the rest of the family with demands on my time were busy or living elsewhere. That was the time during which I virtually devoured a number of books on music (Prof. P. Sambamoorthy etc.) and spirituality (by Swami Sivananda (a loving Guru and a prolific author) and Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa etc. 

    I used to discuss many of these topics with Aunty at length as I had many questions. The immersive experiences I had during those years were instrumental in shaping the rest of my life. That was pretty much a 4-year tapas (Penance) and Seva (Service) with a single-minded focus.

    I think aunty was also happy to have an eager and receptive young student in me who wanted so much of what she had in her. I do not believe that her own children received as much from her. It helped as well since I did not have much else going on in my life and I was young and unentangled! Our classes would often go on for hours while ending with dinner with them on many a night. They used to have a wide variety of fresh and left-over food which I used to help uncle with in preparing and clearing. We would continue to talk late into the night or chant something after dinner.

    I distinctly remember one late night when I was learning 'Nindati Chandana', a Jayadeva Ashtapadi in Darbari Kanada based on the reference of Bombay Sisters. The lofty tune with loftier poetry along with the harmonium aunty used to play might have hit a crescendo one night that we got some complaints from neighbours on the next morning! The voices obviously travelled a long distance on those straight roads of Sainikpuri in the still of the night!

    During those 4 years of my life, I was initiated into classical Carnatic music, learnt several Geetams (short songs by major composers which provide a succinct introduction to several ragas), Kritis and light classical songs from whichever new albums that I fancied. I also learnt many nuances of the English language and the art of communication from Aunty. Music filled my life from 0 to infinity during those magical years.

The Hiatus

    As my listless job at HAL was getting to me and obviously others too, I did what I did best - to study and write several competitive exams for MBA of all kinds, not sparing even Forestry and Rural Management. I think I wore the exams out more than they wearing me out! On a lark, I also applied to business colleges in the USA after writing GMAT and TOEFL. I used to enjoy the verbal part and score better in it than in Quantitative. Finally, I decided to go to the USA to study interdisciplinary programs in Engineering and Management instead of General Management to maximize my chances for financial aid. That meant that I needed to write GRE a couple more times. As a sort of final redemption, I got into the prized IIM, Bangalore, but not before I got mentally ready to go to NJIT, USA for MS in Engineering Management and had a visa in hand to boot. I did not budge from my resolve to go away a long distance from home just so that I can clear my head a bit and be myself. I would learn much later that the decision turned out to be the best one for me as the experience while doing something is more important than WHAT we actually do. WHAT is always incidental and just a detail! Journey over Destination!

    However, that decision meant not much scope for continuing with my music. That barren phase in my music journey continued for at least a decade. However, singing did not stop completely as I used to sing a few from my tiny repertoire at various Indian Associations (Telugu, Kannada sangha, Tamil etc.). There was some self-learning too of simpler songs that I felt were accessible.

    Aunty visited us in Arizona after my marriage in 1989 in her only visit to my house. She taught me several Kritis during that time. 'Kaligi unte kada' by TyAgarAja in Keeravani and 'Thomthadare' by Poochi Srinivasa Iyengar in Kaanada from those days are still green in my memory. The learning did not match my earlier phase as I was married, living away from home and was studying my Ph.D at ASU. But, I am thankful for those times with aunty. 

    After getting my first job at Intel during recession of the early '90s, I used to commute to North Phoenix, 45 minutes each way. I found a teacher Smt. Padma Sivaswamy along that route. But, somehow, that didn't last. 

    When we moved to Portland, OR in 1994, I joined a small private group called 'Saptaswara' as their sole male voice. We used to meet every Sunday for practice and learning and would also perform together on various occasions. Most of them were not trained musicians, but, they were very enthusiastic. During that time, I had a chance to learn group singing of Tyagaraja Pancharatna Kritis (modelled after Sri Maharajapuram Santanam) for the annual Tyagaraja Aradhana. I still sing those after making some alterations for the version modelled after Sangeeta KaLAnidhi Sri D.K. Jayaraman in the current group.

    In 1995, there was an opportunity to learn from Smt. Indira Menon, a disciple of Sri S. Ramanathan in Portland, OR. I learnt over 10 songs (Thiruppugazh, Tyagaraja, Narayana Teertha etc.) I practice those till today and they have remained etched in my memory. In fact, I am in Whatsapp touch with aunty who lives in Chennai.

Indira Menon and uncle
at the music academy in Dec 2024

    It was good fun for 4 years till 1999 when I finally took the plunge to restart my formal Carnatic music learning from the legendary VaiNika and Vocalist Smt. Sreevidhya Chandramouli. I don't know why I waited that long to restart my journey in music on a serious note though I had known and interacted with Sreevidhya from 1994.

    I still remember Sreevidhya commenting that she found natural melody lacking in my voice and wasn't sure why. She later realized that I was singing in the wrong shruthi. My natural shruthi changed from F# to B. I was fully aware of the great fortune of having a legendary teacher like Sreevidhya, a 10th generation Karaikkudi bANi VaiNika, living a mere 10 minutes away from my home through serene backroads. Over the next four years, I learnt a lot from her and am happy to note that I still sing almost all of what I learnt from her. It is also my bhAgyam that I was able to learn a couple of Kritis from her mother Late Smt. Rajeswari Padmanabhan (a Kalakshetra teacher and a 9th generation Karaikkudi bANi Vainika). I still sing those songs as well - 'Sri Hari Vallabhe' in Suddha Dhanyasi (Mysore VAsudEvAchar) and 'Kripa Joochutaku' in Chaya TarangiNi (TyAgarAja).

Homebound

    I made a snap decision in 2001 to move back home to India and engineered the big move finally in January 2002. Apart from moving countries, jobs, and domains, the company thankfully remained the same. The decision did seem like a huge deal for our friends in the US, but, for me, it was crystal clear and continues to be so till today.

    Despite all these changes around me, I was still very intent on continuing my music journey in this blessed land of divine music and culture. Sreevidhya requested a student, Sri Sankaranarayanan of her mother, Rajeswari maami to help me out. He was a sweet, soft-spoken man. He heard me sing 'Amba Sourambha' (Arabhi) and later took me along to meet Smt. Satyavathi, a disciple of Sangeeta Kalanidhi Sri R.K. Srikantan, in Rajajinagar.

    She had a class going on at that time and I could hear the pleasing strains of Tambura in the background. She however recommended that I go and see her Guru Sri R.K. SrikanTan Sir because of male shruthi.. Srikantan sir was living in Guttahalli in North Bangalore. He took me in as I don't think he was very selective. He is capable of teaching anyone with his clear, no-frills music known for Shruthi purity, clear enunciation and adherence to tradition. His voice was as transparent as pure water and needed no further adornments. I learnt a couple of varnams - Saveri and Pantuvarali, but, it used to be quite a drive from Whitefield even 20 years ago. He would sometimes lean on me for driving him to some of his concerts and speaking engagements. He was over 80 when I learnt from him. Eventually, in 2004, I had to discontinue classes with Sir because of the long distance. I really wish now that I had learnt some rare dAsara padas from him. That would have been a precious capsule of his legendary music that I could have preserved in my voice and heart. 

    I continued my music lessons with Smt. Savitha Kartikeyan, a disciple of Sangeeta Kalanidhi Sri D.K.Jayaraman. My colleague Muthu whose two daughters were learning from Savitha, connected me to her. When we went to meet her in Golden Enclave on old Airport Road close to Intel office, I clearly remember that she was humming Kharaharapriya. As they were about to move to Palm Meadows in Whitefield, I started my classes with her there. Again, as my luck would have it, I was just 10 minutes from her home. I would often ask for classes during my work lunch time and practice with a tape in the car while driving. I always wanted to have music as a constant thread in my life irrespective of how busy I was otherwise. It was slow but, was surely present.

Early Retirement

    When planets aligned to make my wish to retire early came true in 2012, I only wanted to have enough time for exercise, writing and music. I had been ready to retire for a long time! 

    But, I often entertained some doubts about what the purpose of my learning was - the so-what of it. It was clear that I was not preparing to get on the concert stage at my age and capability. My music learning was surprisingly infrequent despite all the time at my disposal then either due to difficulties in scheduling classes or my own lack of purpose and practice. However, music learning never stopped but continued to hobble along. 

Amma's Passing

    In 2018, my mother travelled to my home all alone despite all the mix-ups plaguing her due to neurological issues, on what was to be her last flight. Her situation quickly leapt from one difficult situation to another. Finally, the diagnosis of her terminal brain tumour came as a bolt from the blue. We took her back to Secunderabad  while her issue was held at bay with steroids. She left us after 2 months while closing out the passing of her generation, but not before triggering in me, some revelations about the role, music can have in one's life.

    In the first month, she was more conscious though still somewhat unaware of her location or affliction. It was fortunate that she was still able to enjoy music deeply. I would have a 24-hour play list of devotional and Carnatic music going continuously by her side. I would also sing many songs to her and she would often ask me for specific songs. I still recall how she broke into rapturous applause on listening to my 'TheerAda ViLaiyATTu PiLLai', a gem of Sri Subramania BhAratiyAr.

    However, she fell into a coma the moment she was off steroids and never opened her eyes again from that stupor. We would still play her favourites continuously as we felt certain that music resonated deep inside her being even though all other senses were failing. This continued till she finally passed 'peacefully' in the early hours of 16th, November 2018.

    What struck me the most then was the critical role that music played in her final days. Music preserved the connection she had with her core self in tact. It perhaps carried her to the other side by holding her hand without too many bumps during the final transition.

    A few months after that, I rededicated myself to music by resolving to focus only on compositional music in stead of wrestling with the development of various technical elements necessary for the concert stage. I loved the beauty of poetry, melody, devotion and the wonder of history that music evoked in me. It was fortunate that my teacher Savitha agreed with my decision as well.

    I also started practicing at 4 PM daily and my learning became steadier. Daily practice showed in the ease and joy of my music.

Pandemic - A Game Changer

    When the COVID-19 pandemic hit the world in March 2020, it gave a new twist for the better to my music. I was learning 'O Jagadamba' in Ananda Bhairavi, a Syama Sastri's classic then. I started to learn the remaining song line by line in many iterations through Whatsapp with my teacher, Savitha. The laser focus and rapt attention in the Whatsapp medium was a new experience for me when compared with physical classes that were few and far between. When I finally learnt the song successfully, it gave a new impetus for my subsequent learning during the pandemic and continues till today. 

    I started learning many diverse magnum opuses like 'RanganAyakam' in NAyaki, 'Cetah Sri' in DwijAvanti and popular songs like 'BrOchEvArevarurA' in KhamAs and several others like Tunbam NErgayil, Bruhi MukundEti etc. My list of songs to learn was long and the learning was relentless. It opened a new and a more flexible mode of learning which could beat the scheduling issues with physical classes. Consistent practice also helped my music a great deal. In contrast, my progress and learning were spotty at best when the physical classes were the norm before the pandemic.

    Savitha rarely compliments me since she probably sees many areas that need perfection in my music. It is actually as well since 'not yet perfect' means there is a purpose and path ahead for my music without the baggage of too much pride or complacency. There were several times she said that my music started blossoming. Relentless practice, learning and newfound dedication certainly made a huge difference. I remember many specific instances: BrOchEvArevarurA swara passage, Sri VEnkaTa GirISamAm' (SuruTi), Sri RanganAyakam (NAyaki), Pankaja lOchana (KalyANi) and Mandhir Kugandadu (Sindhu Bhairavi) evoked her spontaneous positive affirmation for my attempts.

    That was the time as well when I started recording each current and old song after several practices till I got one successful rendition as error-free as possible. In fact, one good recording is the mark of closure of my learning of any song. It also serves as my future reference.  It was during that time that my teacher gave me a Student-of-the-Month commendation and shared the video recording of my Sri RanganAyakam across all of Parampara, our music school ecosystem. I had also started sharing the recordings of my renditions to a few interested friends and family. It would gladden some of them and they sometimes let me know how they felt.

    Overall, my resolve to focus only on compositional music in order to immerse myself in their lyrical beauty, poetry, rhythm, mythological nuggets, philosophical truths, wisdom and Bhakti (devotion) started sowing its precious seeds deep into my being. Performance ceased to be my focus, if there was any of that lingering need for adulation. I hope these seeds will sprout and grow even when everything around me may be failing. I have seen it live in my mother's precious final days. In fact, I feel she left me an effective lesson even as she passed.

My Music Today

    I learn music today rain or shine, in town or out with a sense of urgency. There is an urgency because I am aware that my time is limited. I am not sure how many years I will still have with the ability to know, hear, learn and sing.

    I try to motivate myself with various projects and treat them as Yagnas. I am working on Pancha bhuta linga yagnam which started in the late '90s with my learning of 'Jambupate' (The element of Apam/Water) and ArunAchala (The element of Agni/Fire). I had learnt AnandAmrita (The element of AkaSa/Space) a decade ago and have just finished learning Chintaya (The element of Prithvi/Earth) and I am on the home stretch now and will need to learn Sri KALahastISa (The element of Vayu/Air) next.

    I also would like to get started on ThiruppAvai yagnam. I know only 2 of 30 with a long road ahead to tread. It is a deep desire and I hope to realize it one day.

    I also enhance my regular learning by reviving songs I had learnt from as far back as 40 years with my many teachers over the years. I am going through them composer by composer to give my reviews a theme. I listen to the teacher's reference a few times, practice it over several days, record it and self-correct it several times before making one good, final recording which I share with friends and family and post some of those on my YouTube channel as the closure. It of course does not mean I will remember them for ever. Music needs constant practice to stay in the foreground.

What Music Means to Me

    I like to learn music just for the sake of learning without missing a beat till my time is up. I feel it is the best preparation I can do for my final moments so that they are charged, intense and deeply meaningful. Though I do feel happy to receive validation from other mortals, I am trying wean myself from it or not place too much value on it. Though it is considered a performing art, I try to conduct my music learning and practice to not depend on it for it to be complete. I consider an occasional performance opportunity to be a fitting avenue for the art but not essential. As Sri M says, music is meditation. I derive huge inspiration from that since meditation does not otherwise come easily.

    When I reflect on the series of legendary lineages that I came into contact with, through my teachers - Rajalakshmi Rao aunty, Sreevidhya Chandramouli, Indira Menon, R.K. Srikantan and Savitha Kartikeyan - I am moved by the good fortune bestowed on me in this short life. It is a blessing that they also chose to share their precious music with me. I distinctly sense the blessings of Sri Saraswati as the kind of opportunities that came by my way are simply phenomenal and could only be attributed to the magic of divine providence. All my teachers are exceptional, sincere and humbly carry the torch of sublime music and all its traditions. It is one of the miracles of my life that I sat at their feet, but was acutely aware of its preciousness even as I lived those moments. 

    Music is a divine vibration of longing and striving of many noble souls that came before us. It expresses the essence of my deepest self. It is perhaps the deepest I can go within, at the moment. It is my daily offering. It is a gift that I do not want to fritter away. One day, when everything about me and around me has gone numb, I hope and pray that my being resonates to music in some corner of it. I hope that I will feel comforted and nourished by the protective envelope of divine vibrations that follow in its wake.

    It is a journey that I hope will continue at some level till the end and hopefully beyond.

__________________________

My current teacher Smt. Savitha Kartikeyan's YouTube Channel

PantuvarALi varnam by Sangeeta KaLAnidhi Sri R K SrikanTan

Smt. Sreevidhya Chandramouli's Recordings on YouTube

Smt. Indira Menon's NavAvaraNa Kriti album on Spotify

My YouTube Channel serving as an archive of some of my learning 

(Caveat: All errors in any of my renditions are entirely mine)

Chennai Music Season 2006 - A peek

I think it is my great fortune that I am able to immerse myself in this season of music every year. I think it is also great that my family is able to spare me alone for these few days as they know how crazily I can get lost in this world of music.

When I listen to some of the best that several of my favourite musicians have to offer, almost 14 hours a day, it seems as if I can pick up the threads wherever I left off last season.

Concerts at the Music Academy:
Bombay Jayashree: She has not lost any sheen since last year and has developed an impressive and unique style. It is truly a musical experience. Her concert is as good or better than last year’s. It is a well crafted jewel and her music is calm and not at all blaring. Her technical strengths came out in her dual raga RTP (Mohana and Kalyanavasantha). Her ability to convey the bhava came out in her ‘Mayamma’ (Ahiri) and her Talattu song in Neelambari. Her ‘Hari Tum Haro’ is the next best to MS’s. The way she crafts silences into her music is something I don’t see too often. Her extremely clear enunciation of the sahityam only adds to the positive musical experience. Too many sisters/brothers (Malladi Brothers, Chinmaya Sisters etc.) fill up the space with non-stop sound and is a bit aggressive or loud to my liking.

Neyveli Santanagopalan: This was ‘shockingly’ exceptional. I had such low expectations thinking that his voice is not that great etc. It was like chamber music without any frills and volume. His classicism in Ritigowla(Janani), Sankarabharanam (saroja dala netri) and in several ragas of his RTP (Sahana, Hamir Kalyani etc.) is pristine and touched me and several others. There were several trying to thank him on the stage. I need to check with my guru as to what the raga for RTP was: either Brindavani or Bhageswari. It sounded like Bhageswari to me.

TNSeshagopalan: He gave a lec-dem on Muttiah Bhagavathar’s kritis. I believe the varnam that Sudha sang ‘Mathe’ in Khamas is his. His voice seems to be just the same as it was – a bit higher than his speaking voice and bordering on falsetto and strained. But, I love his elucidations of musical aspects, musical tradition. He is a man of great erudition and wit. Rare Tyagaraja kritis sung by PS Narayanaswami’s students was very good and enjoyable though several of them have not been heard often in the concerts these days. E.g Mati Matiki (Mohana), Etla Manaku (Deva Gandhari) etc. Some of the kritis were from Nowkacharitram and Prahlada Bhakthi Vijayam.

TM Krishna: He seems to be a bit more balanced on the stage than he was last year. He added a lot of balance this year with more mellifluous, slow, thoughtful music compared his usual virile fare. I really enjoyed his concert this year. He sang Saraguna (Kedaragowla) and Neerajakshi (Hindolam) extremely well. Nirajakshi is a super slow one and was extremely enjoyable.

MS Sheela: I went to her concert since she is a disciple of RK Srikantan Sir. She is good and seems to be an expert artiste. But, sometimes, most artistes can offer music in all its precision, but not any kind of unique experience like Bombay Jayashree, Aruna Sayeeram or TM Krishna.

Malladi Brothers: They are good, sharp, but seem to be on the edge in terms of trying to be laser perfect on the talam. Music doesnot have to be such a painful and conscious display of art.

Srikantan: It was as good as expected. The unexpected thing was a great voice and style that his son Ramakanth demonstrated. Several Sangita Kalanidhis were in attendance – TK Govinda Rao, B Rajam Iyer etc.

Narada Gana Sabha:
Sudha Raghunathan: It is an ok concert for the most part. I liked her Kambodhi. Though she strained a bit in trying to outdo herself in the O Rangasayee kriti on account of vaikunta ekadasi tomorrow. I felt she should have chosen a major raga for her RTP in stead of ‘Vandana Dharini’ (no kidding) and it was shallow besides. The way she ended her concert with a pedestrian nama sankeertan was not a great choice.

Malavika Sarukkai: It was more of a dance drama in stead of a regular concert. It was lightly attended. Good thing was it was brief.

Questions: Kannada vs. Natakurinji; Devamritavarshini vs KH Priya; Brindavani vs. Bhageswari; Bhoopalam with G1; Gamakakriya vs poorvikalyani; Malayamarutam vs. Valaji; Devamanohari vs. Suddha Saveri

Musings: I meet interesting people and mamas/mamis. One mama was lamenting that all his children were in the US unlike me. One other mami and I discussed music as if we were long lost friends. She was appreciative that I make the journey just for the music and was emphatic that there was no other way! Another lady wished me all the best in my musical essays. Another lady from Mysore settled in Chennai happened to be a Telugu and we were however mutually joking on the apashruthi of Ms. B Arundati!!
It is interesting also how Tamil is the lingua Franca at the music festival/sabhas. Even my Intel colleague broke into Tamil ‘Nee Intel dane!” when he saw me! I also find general bon homie at the concerts. Very friendly people at the counters and in the audience. A sea of like minded people charged with musical fervor!!

A Life of Miracles - Looking back on my life

A Life of Miracles

        When I look back at the six decades of my life that passed by, I am overcome with gratitude for all the miraculous inflections that nudged my life trajectory to an unknown purpose, in a clearly unconventional direction each time. 

        Several of those twists and turns were made consciously with my head and heart knowing full well that the path was a less trodden one. In fact, I continue to do that with abandon now, giving my instincts the pride of place they deserve.

        Some of the inflections that I recount below are the ones that made me who I am and how I feel today. I sincerely feel that it is the divine grace operating in my life while also giving me an unencumbered mind to recognize it at critical junctures. 

        C L A R I T Y, thy name is God!!

1. Initiation into Music

        I have been crooning the popular tunes of the day ever since I was a kid and I had even learnt a few songs from teachers, friends and acquaintances and radio. During one of our visits to our native place, I had learnt a few devotional songs from my great grandmother too. But that was it. There was no formal instruction, nor did I expressly harbour any such desires.

        When I was in 10th grade, I had once enrolled myself in a music competition for the school annual day. I had planned to sing a Telugu patriotic song - "Maa Telugu talliki malle poodanDa" (a jasmine garland for our mother Telugu).  One of the school lecturers agreed to teach me and I still distinctly remember walking to his house on the quiet rural road of VETapAlem in Andhra.  I ended up tying with another boy for the first prize, and I got to repeat the performance at the Annual day event as well.

       There was indeed music in several corners within me somewhere. However, I never really learnt anything formally until I landed up in the house opposite Rajam aunty's house in Secunderabad. My hunch is that arts were not prioritized in boys in those days.

        I would not have guessed that music would take centre stage later on in my life. Having finished Engineering and going about my HAL 'career' like an automaton, I was thrust into music lessons by my sister-in-law as she was also interested and needed some company. The three years in HAL were very demotivating for me with no incentive to learn or work hard.  

        Fortunately, during those very years, I encountered Carnatic music through Rajam aunty who has later come to be known as Om aunty. Aunty was the ex-principal of Military school and extremely well-read and well-travelled and had a passion for languages. She could speak in English, Hindi, Tamil, Telugu and in Kannada, that being her mother tongue. She was also a spiritual seeker (Sadhak).

        Until then, I was not impressed by the music I had a chance to listen to, on the radio. So, I was a bit reluctant at first. I can still recall the electric feeling when I heard pure musical notes. I could get lost in those notes as I practised.  I was hooked and was also a natural learner. There was certainly a gift that I possessed. In terms of music, those three years were like drinking at a fire hose.

        I would also read books on music theory widely, discuss with aunty and listen to a wide variety of vintage music that I had obviously missed out till then. It was like a musical awakening for me and aunty was its principal architect. 

        Aunty was more than a music teacher for me, though. I learned so much from her - be it English, communication, etiquette, deportment, chants, meditation, devotion or many beautiful episodes during her interaction with the sages of Rishikesh etc. I would spend hours with aunty and uncle after class almost daily and have dinner with them on many nights.  

        I would also hang around with seniors (thrice my age) and chant stotras, Vishnu Sahasra namam, Siva Mahimna Stotram, Nama Ramayanam, Hanuman Chalisa and bhajans etc.  It was really like a clarion call for me as a human being. 

        Meeting aunty and learning from her has been a huge blessing and a turning point in my life. I had a chance to host her once at my home in the US and meet her many times since my return to India. The fact that I was able to meet her one final time two weeks before her passing at the age of 88 and had a very deep conversation and bonded makes me feel blessed and complete. I am indebted to her for being there in my life at a critical formative stage.

        She was also instrumental in reseeding the idea of going to the US in me for MS - in a field different from Electronics.  But I did not know then that the journey in music aunty started me on would later become my very life purpose.

2. Flying away to the US

        During the final year of my engineering program, it was very common for many in my class to land admissions and scholarships to the US colleges.  On my way to college, I had studied in many schools spread across rural India and spoke English in college for the first time though some practice was there in my Intermediate (11th grade) with my Tamil friend Sriram at Loyola College, Vijayawada. Western culture, dressing and music were alien to me nor did they hold any particular attraction.  So, going to the US wasn't on my radar and besides, I had no clue why I was studying Electronics or what I would do with it in future. 

        But curiously, I was deeply attracted to languages - first English followed by Tamil. When I discovered the dictionary, my interest only grew. I would collect all the unfamiliar English words that I came across all day and look them all up and write down the meanings, etymology and context in which I found them, at the end of the day.  My excitement knew no bounds when I chanced upon those very words in the next few days. My vocabulary and understanding of English gradually took deep root.

        I would also spend much of my free time in the reference section of the college library reading books on history, world wars, astronomy, comics like Asterix, Tintin and poetry.  The fact that I was now able to understand the subtleties of the content made me even more curious.  I would later venture into classics like Shakespeare and humour a la PG Wodehouse.

        All this dalliance with English motivated me to write GRE and TOEFL exams since I enjoyed the verbal sections so much though I wasn't all that clear about what I would do with an advanced degree in Electronics. I felt quite stuck regarding the subject of my study which was done under family pressure.

        As part of my exploration of English, I enjoyed devouring books by Norman Lewis and Rosenblum. I would read books that were to be read and practiced in 6 weeks, in mere 2 days. Though I got some admissions without scholarships, I chose not to go because I did not want to drive the nail in harder by investing more time in a field that held no interest for me. Thank God for those first signs of wisdom that I did not ignore!

        I lumbered on at HAL - completely demotivated and feeling listless.  I kept it up so that I wouldn't be pushed into my brother's enterprise. I was at the receiving end of 'Fratriarchy'!! I knew I would not see light anymore if I ever let that happen.

        I was still clueless as to what lay ahead of me, but I was clear about not joining a master's program in Electronics in India or abroad just to keep myself busy. I then decided to try to get a seat in one of the IIMs and other management institutes. I tried for 2 years, wrote competitive exams, participated in group discussions etc. I received calls for around 10 interviews at the end of those two attempts. I got great practice of "putting myself out there" while going completely against my grain.  However, I did not get through any of them, but I was put on the waiting list for IIM Bangalore after my second attempt. 

        My music teacher, upon discrete prodding from my family, impressed upon me to find something else to study in the US, the promised land. All her 3 children were in the US. I found some general engineering courses like Industrial Engineering, Management Engineering and I finally got into NJIT in 1987. After securing the prized Visa to the US, I ended up getting into IIM, Bangalore finally. But, I felt that the die was already cast and the idea of going far away from family captivated me. 

   

        Despite the hardship of going so far and getting comfortable in a foreign land, I set off to the US on August 14th, 1987, and reached the US on the 15th of August (Indian Independence Day). That was the first major critical decision in my life which shaped everything that came after it.  During those first few months and years, I would discover myself, acknowledge my skills and strengths through the encouragement and appreciation of many generous professors, students and roommates I interacted with.

        In my first semester at NJIT, I had to present in one management class that I enrolled in, every week. It's something that I never did before. The professor would single me out many times pointing out my preparation, initiative and other positive traits. Another would praise my work ethic publicly. Finally, my sincere application through the entire first semester landed me the only research assistantship in my department.  I started to believe in myself and worked with redoubled zeal.

        My stint of 15 years in the US wasn't all a bed of roses. Many unsavoury experiences can be recalled but somehow, they haven't left any trace of resentment in me.  They all taught me something precious and I learnt not to unduly deprecate myself. 15 years abroad has expanded my mind, horizons and a clear sense of self and made me all the richer for it.

3. Finding my life partner

        I did this whole thing in the old-fashioned way of turning to family for help.  They 'rose to the occasion' by securing many potential suitors through media blitz and word of mouth.

        

        During the summer break of 1989, in between my graduate programs, I met my future wife on May 24 to be precise. Through a quirk of providence, she was the first in the list I met since she was a local person from Hyderabad. 

        She struck me as confident, upfront (not bashful), intelligent, articulate and beautiful. I left with a very nice feeling and hoped that she would agree.  The next 10 days were gruelling as we didn't hear even a whimper from them. I was adamant that I would not like to see anyone else until they got back in the negative.  I didn't like the idea of shopping around and creating a short list of 'candidates'. I stuck to my guns and went with my gut feeling of how I felt in her presence. That became the foundation for the very important decision in my life.

        Upon some prodding from a common acquaintance, we found out that they were waiting on us to get back to them. Typical Indian gridlock! I met her on June 2nd for the second time at their home again and was able to grab a few minutes to speak privately with her about my interests and my shortcomings since I really wanted to be transparent with her from the get-go and build the foundation on truth.

        We married on June 26th after 'dating' post facto and getting to know each other more during the interim period. To this day, what I value about our relationship is the ethics, integrity, transparency, intelligence and passion and love and light that she brings to me and family and in fact, any gathering she is in. The rest is history, as they say!

4. Homebound

        I started my PhD program after my marriage. I was in a new state, new college, new program and had a new car and a new partner. We set up our home tastefully within our budget. Money was tight but enough. After completing the program in 3 years, I walked right into recession. Jobs were hard to come by. After a nerve-wracking 8 months of job search, I got a job with Intel after a botched attempt at another company. That company, incidentally, is no more!

        Work moved us to bucolic Portland, Oregon - a place where we had a great time for over 8 years. Portland's rustic small town feel and verdant open spaces and flowers and berries were wonderful for us.  A friend, Ann we met introduced us to many good things of life in the US - gardens, farmers markets, cuisines, baking, jamming, brunches. We would be in each other's garden almost on a daily basis. We would drink lots of tea and the ladies would make lots of jams and cook.  

        10 years and two kids later, I had a chance to grow Intel India operations from the US. Even then, I had no inkling of moving back to India. In fact, when my manager asked me if I was interested in a new manager position in India, I flatly refused.  In my continued work with Intel India, a strong longing started to emerge in me to move back home to India while giving the kids the substantial grounding and the India experience.  Planets aligned and wife/kids reluctantly agreed, and I returned home with a new job in a new area under a new manager.

        The initial years were tough for my wife and kids though I glided into the familiar Intel environment despite many quirky Indian touches to working in Intel India.  It also had its own brand of politics.  I moved around through 5 jobs in 10 years. While it wasn't all smooth sailing, I haven't regretted my decision ever.

        I liked the smells, sounds and the informality of India. We made many lifelong friends who had also moved back just like us and stayed put. My wife was presented an opportunity to own and run a floral enterprise. It was a no-brainer that she took it as horticulture and plants were always her passions.  Kids developed a strong bond with India though they have since moved to other climes to experiment with their education and career choices.  

        We continue to be here, and it is well-nigh impossible for us to move 'back' to the US and despite our many visits to the promised land, US holds absolutely no attraction for us.  In fact, kids encourage us to stay back since they see us so happy with meaningful lives and beautiful friendships.  

        Looking back, this decision was done more with heart than head and that is probably why it continues to make me happy whatever the numbers may be. In my heart of hearts, I want to merge with the soil of Bharat when the final moments do finally arrive. 

5. F.I.R.E. (Financial Independence Retire Early)

        These days, when I meet new people, the question of what I do comes up invariably. I often respond that I am trying my best not to do much.

        But, seriously though, I always knew that a life of retirement for me would never be a nightmare filled with dreadful vacuum.  I always enjoyed solitude, and my passions for reading, writing, music, gardening, yoga and spiritual pursuits etc. I really had no idea in what specific form they would occupy my time.  That's why I often quip that I was born to retire.  The life of assumed identities of the world didn't ever matter much to me beyond a point.  Perhaps, I have gradually grown out of them. If I recall correctly, my challenge during my working years was to know how not to be invisible and to keep jutting into the foreground to fit corporate norms for a senior leader.  That was a phase!

        The idea of retirement was hence not alien to me and has, in fact crossed my mind often.  In fact, for about 2 years before my retirement from a lucrative job, I have actively considered it by reviewing my finances against estimated expenses while accounting for our combined life spans.  I felt that the idea was not that far-fetched if I monetized some of the assets and lived in peace. But I was not yet clear when exactly to hang up my boots as the kids had not even finished high school by then. 

        The universe finally decided that for me by giving me a gentle push. That was how it felt when I received an email from work in the summer of 2012. I was in the USA after dropping my eldest daughter in a US college and was visiting our friends in Houston. I was just synching up my work emails just to see how the rest of the world was holding up without me!  I was already on leave for several weeks by then. 

        The moment I saw that email which presented me a royal, lucrative way of retiring, my blink response was that it was Godsend. I could not believe that this nudge from the universe was real. I did not imagine this type of a situation at all in my analysis thus far.  I really did not need to do any further analysis to be able to decide my next steps.  

        I must thank my wife who supported me in this critical decision though she had her share of doubts and fears since people don't often retire like this if they don't have to - surely, not when both kids haven't even completed their college and they themselves barely turned 50. 

        I was never of the type of polling a whole lot of friends and family regarding such personal decisions since I feel they, especially family, doesn't really know me or what drives me.  My mother who was alive then, was quizzical but otherwise, did not create a whole lot of fuss.

        I was on cloud 9 in the month or two I still had with Intel after the decision was submitted to Intel and it has been communicated to the rest of the organization. My final day at Intel was Dec 2nd, 2012.  I joined a yoga retreat that was happening in our own home from the very next day.  I was whole heartedly into what I was learning as my body and mind felt free to take on whatever might come my way.

        I have never once regretted my decision to retire early.

6. The Second Innings

        In my primary career, my main objective was to take advantage of a few of my strengths and provide for the family.  However, that phase ended when I chose to retire from Intel.  When we let go of such conventional constraints, we feel free. In my farewell lunch at work, a colleague asked me as to what I planned to do once I ride off into the Sunset.  I told him what was on my mind - that I wanted to write and wanted to see if anyone would pay for it.

        During the first year or two, I spoke to a few of my creative and writer friends and that led to a few other business connections. I later worked for a content creation agency and also did a few ghost-writing gigs for over 10 companies for 6 years on a free-lance basis.  I was never busy with work for more than 3 to 4 hours a day; I was just mildly occupied. During that stint, I enjoyed the magic I could do with words. Words and languages were my passions for over 40 years and so, it all came easily to me. 

        I was mostly writing on Technology and business and the format ranged from whitepapers, websites, case studies, monographs to even blurbs. 

        This was not certainly extremely lucrative by any means but that did not matter to me.  I just enjoyed transforming ideas into words, abstracting clients' thoughts into significant statements and bringing my own personal work experience to my writing. So, it was great joy to work without the bother of economics. 

        It was good while it lasted and I had finally retired from my second career as well after 2020. 

Encounter with Sadhguru

        I did not know about Sadhguru or Isha Foundation till 2014. I did not watch any of his videos or know of his work.  But I vividly remember seeing a long-bearded sadhu on a TV panel discussion many years ago and being impressed at his clarity and communication.  He was engaging with 'intellectuals' during that discussion and seeing a sadhu in that setting taking on mundane issues felt strange enough that it stayed in my memory. 

        My actual major encounter with Sadhguru was dramatic to say the least.  A vendor that my wife worked with impressed on my wife that both my wife and me would benefit from the Isha Inner Engineering program and in fact, suggested we do that separately.

        

        My wife told me about it on the same evening and urged me to sign up for it as she knew that I was looking for a structured yoga program for some time.  In fact, for the whole 2 years after my exit from corporate career, I have been literally praying for it daily - to have a yoga regimen that will grow and evolve with me till the very end.  I didn't know what it was and did not even search for it on google as I am not big on Internet search for things like this. 

        So, when I heard this suggestion from my wife, I instantly looked up the Isha website and found that there was a Tamil program - a retreat of 3.5 days at the Isha Yoga Centre - happening that very month.  I signed up for it as I did not want to wait a few more months for the next English program. I could not even understand the urgency that was driving me like this but, all I can say now is that the driving force was from without.

        I had no idea of the extent of the ashram temples and activities or what I would find there.  As it was a retreat, the program took place in the Nalanda cottage premises, a beautiful and comfortable space expressly designed for the ultimate program experience and effectiveness.  The program is intelligently christened as Inner Engineering which would satisfy our overly logical minds and what was transmitted there was Shambhavi Mahamudra kriya as part of the initiation on the final day. I realized I had difficulty understanding some Tamil words, but the teacher and co-participants were very accommodating.

        At first, I was very sceptical about the many temples - Dhyanalinga, Lingabharavi there in that I saw them as religious rituals. In some corner, I was resisting that as the rituals I was exposed to as a child were found to be hollow superstitions and did not impress me much.  I was conflicted though I wanted to follow what was being suggested.

        Looking back at my own unbroken journey with Isha over the last 11 years, it all seems to fit into an invisible divine puzzle when I think of how the word about Isha yoga came to me and the urgency with which I acted on it.

        For me now, the runway ahead looks clear and purposeful. It also feels like that it was a reminder for what was once familiar to me in a forgotten corner of myself from the long-gone past.

        Many people analyze the activities of Isha and Sadhguru critically and pose the seeming discrepancies to me and challenge me to explain them.  My answer to them is always that all I know is what I have received from Isha/Sadhguru and how it has clarified many things and benefitted me in ways beyond imagination. It is not for me to have an opinion on everything and everyone and I just stick to what I have personally experienced. Other than that, I really feel like I have come home, finally!

My Anchor - My Purpose

        Post retirement life can be an unhinged experience, especially for one who worked all of one's life and lived for one's work.  Though I don't harbour any qualms about not doing 'anything', free time can lose its charm after a year or two. A sense of purpose will make a person look forward to everyday with curiosity, expectation and interest.  Else, complacency and listlessness may take over. If you let that state fester, it could even lead one to the brink of depression.

        I happened to discover yoga the day after I quit regular corporate work.  It certainly had immediate physical results. I could feel body getting toned barely after a week of daily yoga. Two years later, I got initiated into Isha yoga completely by chance (which I call a miracle) which kept me going. I wasn't feeling purposeless anymore but the risk of it might not have been very far.

        My relationship with yoga has also evolved over the years. I used to do yoga at 1 pm since I found it a challenge to keep an empty stomach condition. Gradually, the routine settled down to a routine of ablutions, shower and yoga and the topic of food doesn't come up until after that. 

        I kept up the learning of Carnatic music all along and the thread never broke for too long. I felt that my music learning didn't end as long as there was an unfinished song. 

        In 2018, my mother suddenly fell very ill. She was diagnosed with a virulent brain tumour which was a terminal condition. Doctors gave her few days or months at the most.  She was diagnosed in Bangalore and was taken to Hyderabad later for her final journey.  Dementia had already set in but her love and longing for music remained strong.

        I would spend her final days singing to her and she would have many special requests. At other times, I also had a continuous play list of her favourites playing in her room and continued that even after she lost complete awareness after a month.

        When certain songs played like 'Kurai ondrum illai', she would spontaneously raise her hands in supplication to the invisible God. I saw how music played such a huge role in her final days keeping her in touch with her core self even if brain was quite disjointed. In her last month, she lost all faculties, but music survived still. That struck a very deep chord in me.

        A few months later, sometime in 2019, I decided to just focus on learning music compositions while sidestepping technical elements such as alapana, neraval, swaram which did not come to me naturally and easily.   My teacher supported the idea, thankfully.  I decided to practice daily at 4pm and not fritter away the gift of music.

        "Music is indeed meditation", Sri M says.  Even if I can't concentrate or meditate in silence for long, I can at least sing and treat that as my meditation. 

        Consistent practice and focused learning have worked wonders and have made my voice better, learning deeper and more intuitive and the joy of singing greater. I have my mother's picture watching over me in my music room, perhaps as a sign of the miracle of music that manifested with renewed vigour in my life. It feels like it is her final gift to me. There are several things - baking, gardening, yoga, reading and writing that I do, but music is indeed my anchor and the purpose in my final innings.

______ 00000 ______

                       

In search of AnDAL and her Thirumozhi

    AnDAL and her unique devotion for Krishna (PerumAL) that is filled with awe, obsession, beauty and intimacy all at once has fascinated me for the last few years. It is not until recently that I came to know that the kshEtram of SrivilliputtUr was her hometown.

    I vividly recall that it was in 1983 when I first heard the name of that town. I was working in HAL, Hyderabad then and I used to ride bus #6 from home every morning. A senior colleague Sri Raghavan used to ride the same bus. When I had once asked him where he was from, he said, "SrivilliputtUr" resoundingly with almost a touch of pride. I don't know why that memory stuck in my mind for over 40 years. The name was new to me, but it sounded layered and poetic.

    My journey from that innocuous exchange to my ThiruppAvai yajnam of 2024-25 is nothing short of mysterious and filled with coincidences in retrospect. The dots were always there and were occurring at regular intervals but, the thread that connected them all wasn't all that apparent at the time.

Early Memories

    My paternal uncle was one of my many relatives based in Tamilnadu. He was a devout Srivaishnava. He and his family were frequent guests at my parents' home. He used to go about his morning routines chanting various Tamil poems. At the time, my knowledge of Tamil was close to nil, but I can recall him chanting 'PallAnDu PallAnDu PallAyirattAnDu' though I did not know then what it meant. Later, when we were in Tenali during my 5th grade, our neighbours who were devout Srivaishnavas used to send us DhanurmAsya rice prasadam every day during DhanurmAsam (MArgazhi). Aunty's name was AnDAL and her daughter's name was Goda Devi. It is incidental but, what a coincidence!

    Many years later, when our daughter's arangetram performance happened, it included a rousing finale with AnDAL's 'VAraNamAyiram' while depicting the thirukalyanam of AnDAL with PerumAL. It was a very special performance that our daughter danced with a long, fresh garland around her neck that is typical of AnDAL's iconography. That was the first time I researched AnDAL's story and timeline before writing the introduction to be announced by the MC. 

    I was briefly curious and fascinated but, that was it. It didn't seem to go anywhere. I did not know its connection to music.

Orutti MaganAi pirandu

    My initial introduction to ThiruppAvai was in 2012 when I had learnt "Orutti MaganAi" in a lilting BEhAg tune from my teacher. Many of her students learned it and my teacher had sung it in one of her annual concerts as well. The poetry and imagery that the pAsuram evoked were gripping. But that was it. I did not know that it was part of the 30 pAsurams of ThiruppAvai. I just noted in my music book that it was pAsuram #25 and moved on like I would for any number of Thiruppugazh poems that I had a chance to learn. 

    Later, during COVID 2020, when most learning was happening online, I had learnt another ThiruppAvai pAsuram #27 KuDArai from my teacher's rendition on radio when she was a child. My initial attempt at self-learning was met with her approval on my first attempt itself. These two pAsurams piqued my curiosity for the wonderful devotional poetry and the apt tunes set by Sri AriyakkuDi RAmanuja IyengAr during the 1950s. The words were somehow delectable even if I wasn't extremely clear of their meaning. But isn't that what they say about Veda mantras and their very sound?

    During the Navaratri of 2023, our very creative friends Karthik and Krishnan invited us to the Golu (arrangement of divine icons) in their beautiful farm home. The Golu was not limited a typical tiered setup alone, but it was spread over their entire home. One of their narrations on AnDAL was magical. There were give-away cards with Nachiyar Thirumozhi (I think it was "Karpooram nArumo" which I really love in Bombay Jayashri's voice) on it. The card still adorns the little Saraswati altar in my music room. I was moved and inspired by the intensity of that offering. 

    Then, in October 2023, I had a chance to see Srirangam through the nostalgic eyes of my college friend Ranga who was born and brought up in this storied kshetram. He took me and my wife on a comprehensive visit of the vast temple complex over 6 plus hours. We had an inspired satsang with his brother-in-law Sri Vasan, a retired professional serving the shrine of Sri ThonDar aDi poDi Azhwar now. We were photographed in front of VeLLai gopuram, a quiet path with coconut trees (Thennan Solai - Coconut grove) near the prAkAram (ramparts) built by Thirumangai Azhwar and Paramapada vAsal etc. I even got to sing Orutti maganAi to his mother who is devoted to Ranganatha and Srirangam. I consider that a blessing.

Initial Stirrings

    I was reflecting on my music journey in late 2024. One of my wishes that I recorded in that was my deep desire to learn the rest of the ThiruppAvai. That was the first time that I put that wish in Black and White. That somehow seemed to have shaped my desire more firmly and started to breathe life into it. 

    Later on, I expressed my wish to my teacher several times. I was considering going to Chennai to learn them all in a special workshop as she said she had not learnt the rest of them and had no plans at the time either. I was a bit crestfallen but after a few reiterations of my deep desire, she suggested that I self-learn them from the YouTube album Kodai Amudam by Archana & Arati. I had made a mental note to do that someday. My initial fancy turned into an intention that is beginning to manifest and the golden reference for learning has been identified which meant that my ThiruppAvai yajnam had formally begun. However, it continued to be on the back burner for a little longer.

Sadhana - The Learning

    In the summer of 2024, I sensed a looming hiatus in my music learning in general due to my teacher's and my own potential travel. While I did have several projects of practicing old compositions, reviving and refreshing songs I learned many years ago from my previous teachers and recording them after I reach certain fluency in rendition, a thought flashed in my mind. I thought I should start with a few pAsurams of ThiruppAvai during this break and submit them to my teacher for review when she gets back from her holiday. I am glad I did.

    I started with the very first pAsuram - 'Margazhi thingaL' in Natta which I had heard in a junior musician's concert the year before. I also felt that the raga was familiar to me since I knew a few compositions in it. It took me a week of constant listening to the nuances, recording my rendition and self-correcting my attempts. The process of recording and self-correcting has helped me sharpen my ear since I started employing it since 2020 remote learning period. Since I was learning ThiruppAvai on my own, I used the same method to learn the pAsuram, a line at a time until it flowed naturally for me. In a week, I had a recording of my rendition that I was happy with. 

    I would go about learning the rest of the pAsurams in a random sequence guided by my familiarity of the pAsuram, ragam, complexity of the tune etc. Before learning a new pAsuram, I would transcribe the lyrics into Telugu by consulting both Tamil and Telugu text references and comparing them to what was sung in Kodai Amudam apart from watching Deepa S Pillai's abhinaya videos in her The Divine Doll series to get a broader picture of what I was going to attempt. At the outset, I eased the stress on myself by reminding myself that there was no time limit to learn these. All that I cared was that I learned them, learned them well and enjoyed the process.

    I had 4 pAsurams ready for my teacher's review when she returned. A few would pass her fine-toothed comb unscathed while a few others would require some changes in the ragam, talam and/or my pronunciation. Being a non-native speaker of Tamil, I wanted to be correct in the language department for sure. Overall, I recall the exultation of getting a thumbs-up for 'Margazhi thingaL (#1), Ongi (#3), UngaL (#14), Elle (#16), Ambarame (#17), Kuttu ViLakkeriya (#19), Anru ivvulagam (#24), Vanga (SuruTi) without any revisions. For others, I would go back to the pAsurams with suggested corrections and record them again after several practice sessions depending on the complexity. I am indebted to my teacher for suggesting a wonderful reference to learn from and guiding me in the process. The reference renditions were classical, crystal clear and easy to learn from. I cannot say that about various versions that abound on the internet. 

    As I learned and recorded them, I used to send the then final versions to a few of my friends who used to humour me by listening to them and commenting on them. For one, my wife, a Balaji bhakta used to love them despite her unfamiliarity of the language. A friend, Tara used to egg me on to learn the rest by the margazhi of 2025. My stock response was that I was in no rush and was not marching to any timeline. I, of course wished that I could be ready with all before the Margazhi 2025.  All this has only helped me move forward a bit by bit.

The Signs

    During the year of learning ThiruppAvai, I met so many kindred souls along the way in the uncanniest ways and enjoyed the interactions while they lasted. I also made some effort to drop my guard a bit and even be overwhelmed by them. 

    In November 2024, stars aligned in such a way that I could visit the amazing Kanchipuram. On the very first evening of my visit, I went to the Kamakshi amman koil and on my return to the hotel, almost bumped into the UlagaLanda PerumAL koil as it sort of juts out into the road at an odd corner.

    On the second day too, I repeated my temple wanderings and stopped at the UlagaLanda PerumAL koil on my way back. It was raining quite steadily but I had an umbrella and a jacket for protection. There was very little crowd due to rain. I had the darshan of all 4 PerumALs as I did not note the names properly the day before. The garrulous priest was missing in action as other priests were preparing to close the temple down early due to inclement weather. 

    I did complete the pradakshiNam despite the rain thanks to the umbrella (the metaphor of VAmana approaching Bali with an umbrella is not lost on me here!) and collected the delicious prasAdam (Pulihora) and came back to Azhwar mandapam to pause and relish the prasadam. Just then, a magical episode happened.

    As I was enjoying the Prasadam, an old couple wanted to borrow my umbrella for doing their pradakshiNam. I let them though I was in a hurry to see an old friend in town. While I waited, I had the idea to offer all 4 new pAsurams to AnDAL who was standing there peacefully and patiently. I sang them all to her with not a soul around. Towards the end, MaNi, the security guard came to me and appreciated it and was reminiscing how he learnt them all as a teenager. I took a picture with him. God appears in mysterious ways for sure!

With MaNi who knew to recite Thiruppavai

    In January 2025, I learned that a ThiruppAvai story telling session was being presented in two parts at a private residence in North Bangalore. I was familiar with the venue as I attended a different session there earlier. I was able to attend the second ThiruppAvai session though I had to miss the first one unfortunately. It was conducted by two dancers Smt. Deepa S Pillai and Smt. Anushka as a dialogue between Sridevi and Bhoodevi. They covered pAsurams #16-#30 in the session that I attended. It was very engaging and towards the end, the host offered them the AnDAL malas that a devotee brought all the way from SrivilliputtUr. They really looked divine, and this special gesture added to the mystique of the poetry they were elucidating for all of us.

                                                        

    During that session, a painting of AnDAL was exhibited in the background. The artist of the painting, Kumari Ananya Rajesh was introduced towards the end. When I was congratulating the artist after the session, I learned that she was offering a canvas print of it for those who are interested. It did not take me long to sign up for it. Ananya along with her mother came one evening to our house and delivered it by hand. It felt like AnDAL came home. She adorns a prime spot in our house now. 

    During a trip to Visakhapatnam and Araku last year, I came to know that my friend Ravi was from a town very close to SrivilliputtUr and knew a lot about the temple and the people there. I will soon meet with him to plan my trip to The Town in the near future and hopefully offer all that I learned. 

    It all made me feel that there are signs all around to nudge me along the way even if I were a tiny bit open to whatever came my way.

MArgazhi 2025

    After some sustained learning through 2024-2025, I completed learning all 30 pAsurams of ThiruppAvai a couple of weeks before MArgazhi 2025 was to begin. Soon after, I came across Malyada series by Sri Dushyant Sridhar. He enunciates the words and explains the meaning of each pAsuram followed by a dancer's interpretation - all under 30 minutes per pAsuram. I went through it all one by one and freshly transcribed the lyrics into Telugu and captured the meaning in a nutshell by the side. That would surely be a great reference for me in future.

    I was in Chennai during December for attending the mArgazhi music season of concerts. When I am there, I become fully immersed in music by attending lecture demonstrations, katha kAlakshEpams, concerts or even reading a book on music. Now that I have just completed learning the ThiruppAvai, my heart would jump with indescribable joy whenever I listen to a pAsuram being presented as part of a concert. I listened to the day's pAsuram in one concert or the other on a daily basis.

    Much to my joy, a heritage walk that I participated in took me to Sri Parthasarathy Swamy Sabha in Mylapore. This was apparently the sabha that Sri AriyakkuDi RAmanuja IyengAr premiered his musical renditions of ThiruppAvai in the city for the first time after his initial offering at SrivilliputtUr. I also learned that it was Kanchi Maha Periyava who had requested Sri AriyakkuDi to set the ThiruppAvai to music.

    Tara (my friend who appeared earlier in the story) chose to send a link to my rendition of the day's ThiruppAvai along with a really wonderful depiction by the artist Vishnuprabha, to all her friends. She was sending the poetry, meaning and some other renditions in the previous years. It is very kind of her to offer mine instead this year. I have been forwarding her post to a few friends who receive my recordings almost on a weekly basis. I also requested my friends Karthik and Krishnan to play my renditions in their beautiful shrine daily and they happily did that. Blessings grow only exponentially, it seems!

The Last Word

    I was thinking that AnDAL came into my life just a few years ago but I recently realized that she had been there with us in our house from the beginning. We had two Tanjavur paintings with us from 1995 onwards and they have graced all our homes. We kept thinking it was Meenakshi and Krishna till we realized just recently that it was indeed AnDAL and baby Krishna. No less! It felt like she had been with us all along hoping that we will open our eyes one day!

    AnDAL is the only female Azhwar and what she wrote is considered equal to Vedam by Srivaishnavas. But to me, AnDAL brings to mind the image of a charming poet and a beautiful baby girl who is intense in her devotion to her Krishna and relentless in getting all her friends (us?) together on her life mission.

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+ It is a miracle that I was able to learn ThiruppAvai set to music. Here are my renditions. 

https://tinyurl.com/2a9vtjby

+ The Splendour of Srivilliputtur by Dr. Chitra Madhavan 

+ Amuktamalyada by Dr. Srinivas Reddy

Now, coming to think of it, I just realized that I wrote this entire blog during MArgazhi and completed it on Day 30!